Struggling accepting the life long reality BPD

[Parents! Get help here!]

moderator's note- this post has been edited for privacy

There have been so many times over the years with my son that it has been volatile, raging, and intense. Long periods of time even. It's not as frequent these days unless he feels threatened in some way. All that to say I'm not living in a daily war zone. I have space to hope and dream this illness will fade away. That my son will enjoy life.  That I can enjoy life without worrying  about his emotional or mental health or wondering when the next shoe will drop. But I see him struggling with his emotions, relationships, many of the quieter aspects of BPD. And I know it's just quieter now. Thank God for that. But, how do I make peace with or accept that which hurts to accept? I'm seriously studying links, reading posts so that I can keep my eyes open and not slip into denial about this as I can tend to. But darn this hurts.  

[Normlee]

moderator's note- this post has been edited for privacy

There have been so many times over the years with my son that it has been volatile, raging, and intense. Long periods of time even. It's not as frequent these days unless he feels threatened in some way. All that to say I'm not living in a daily war zone. I have space to hope and dream this illness will fade away. That my son will enjoy life.  That I can enjoy life without worrying  about his emotional or mental health or wondering when the next shoe will drop. But I see him struggling with his emotions, relationships, many of the quieter aspects of BPD. And I know it's just quieter now. Thank God for that. But, how do I make peace with or accept that which hurts to accept? I'm seriously studying links, reading posts so that I can keep my eyes open and not slip into denial about this as I can tend to. But darn this hurts.  

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[FaithHopeLove]

Oh Normlee
I know just what you mean. I struggle with that too. If I knew what my son was going through was temporary I could accept it so much more easily than I do. One thing that helps me, although I am still a work in progress, is called radical acceptance. It is a concept from Dialectical Behavioral Therapy that means realizing every moment is perfect, everything happens for a reason and it is possible to have a worthwhile life no matter what happens. It sounds Zen-like it is. Dr. Marsha Linehan, the psychologist who developed DBT is a Zen master. Here is the link Radical Acceptance I am re-reading it now. Let's practice together.
Hugs
Faith

[Normlee]

Thank you Faith!
It's funny the term radical acceptance is a term that floated around in my head as I wrote my post. I read the term in someone's post the other day. Didn't know what it meant but had a sense it would be healthier to stop fighting what is, even though it is painful. I will be practicing with you. Last night after I wrote the post, I questioned what I was hoping to hear back. A part of me looked for someone to say - this is the reality of BPD, you're not alone in living with it, and you can do this.
Interesting the concept of radical acceptance developed by a Zen master is also taught in my faith (though I've fought it).  God is good and all that comes into my life has been filtered through His loving hands for my good and the good of others.
Reading and examining the same idea through a bit different lens helps. Thank you again.

[FaithHopeLove]

I am also a Christian. The scripture that keeps coming to my mind is Romans 8:28 " We know that all things work together for good for those who love God, who are called according to his purpose." That does not mean all things are good. Having a child who is suffering from BPD is not good. But, if we believe in God, God can bring good out of any situation. Does that make sense to you?

[Normlee]

Absolutely- I believe that. I've experienced it.
I know worry is not helpful or where I should focus. Prayer is. Working on that more and trying to keep my mental focus off the storms and instead on the One who calms them or is with me in them.

[FaithHopeLove]

Exactly. Instead of assuming this is our children's life long reality, let's focus on the One who is able to turn even the worst situation to good. I hate that my son is currently in jail, but I also have hope that God may be using this painful situation to get through to him about the need to make a life change (get out of the drug world)

[Normlee]

I believe God is using it. No situation is a wasted opportunity for His presence and Grace. I'll be praying you son will be sensitive to Him. To the doors opening and to the ones closing.

[Normlee]

Still believing all that. I can feel fear, pain,  guilt...
I'm glad there is this forum to share and learn from people who live with the turmoil of having a child w BPD. 
The twists, turns, nose dives, neediness, loss of control, self defeating choices... hurts the person w/bpd and hurts us. I'm learning from people here not to be consumed by doing things that nurture myself. Even when my heart isn't in it. I also think from practicing radical acceptance I will learn to not run from the hurt and pain. I hopefully will learn things that don't contribute to it and learn when I need to step back for my own health.

[FaithHopeLove]

You will definitely learn how to cope with your own pain here. You will also learn to help others. I am glad you joined us.

[Normlee]

Thank you Faith