Home page of BPDFamily.com, online relationship supportMember registration here
September 16, 2019, 07:55:52 AM *
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length
Board Admins: Harri, Once Removed, Scarlet Phoenix
Senior Ambassadors: Cat Familiar, FaithHopeLove, I Am Redeemed, Mutt, Only Human, Turkish
Ambassadors: Enabler, formflier, GaGrl, Longterm, Ozzie101, Swimmy55, zachira
  Help!   Groups   Please Donate Login to Post New?--Click here to register  
bing
Experts share their discoveries [video]
99
Could it be BPD
BPDFamily.com Production
Listening to shame
Brené Brown, PhD
What is BPD?
Blasé Aguirre, MD
What BPD recovery looks like
Documentary
Pages: [1]   Go Down
  Print  
Author Topic: Four weeks of NC today...  (Read 230 times)
ColdKnight
***
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Person in your life: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 211



« on: September 09, 2019, 12:47:47 AM »

Four weeks ago today I sent my final broadcast to her.
I have not seen her, she has not seen me. There has been hardly a trace of my existence.

I have become a ghost, I have gone undercover.

It may not seem like much at only four weeks but we work in the same company and I have taken strict measures to avoid her. I have not attended several work events just on the off chance she would be there.

Sometimes I regret sending the final text, sometimes I feel it is the best thing I have ever done.

I still miss her but it I am getting better.

Another day longer, another day stronger...

P.S.

I feel like I should get a sobriety token or something similar. Smiling (click to insert in post)

(I am currently listening to Concrete Blond’s The Beast)
Logged

Take it for what it’s worth, I am no one of consequence.
CryWolf
******
Online Online

Gender: Male
Person in your life: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 791



« Reply #1 on: September 09, 2019, 08:25:51 AM »

It’s tough man but I know you got this. What did you say in your final message to her? Was this recently?
Logged
ColdKnight
***
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Person in your life: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 211



« Reply #2 on: September 09, 2019, 01:43:45 PM »

I sent it four weeks ago. I basically called her out on all of her BS and said some not so nice things. Things that had been building up for a while. Told her I would never contact her again and that I would avoid her when I saw her and that she should do the same (we work at the same large company)

It may not have been the best thing to send but I had to do it for myself. I had to destroy any hope of getting back with her. I was just so tired of the hot/cold treatment. I needed complete closure.
Logged

Take it for what it’s worth, I am no one of consequence.
gizmocasci

*
Offline Offline

Person in your life: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 32


« Reply #3 on: September 09, 2019, 04:28:56 PM »

Four weeks ago today I sent my final broadcast to her.
I have not seen her, she has not seen me. There has been hardly a trace of my existence.

I have become a ghost, I have gone undercover.

It may not seem like much at only four weeks but we work in the same company and I have taken strict measures to avoid her. I have not attended several work events just on the off chance she would be there.

Sometimes I regret sending the final text, sometimes I feel it is the best thing I have ever done.

I still miss her but it I am getting better.

Another day longer, another day stronger...

P.S.

I feel like I should get a sobriety token or something similar. Smiling (click to insert in post)

(I am currently listening to Concrete Blond’s The Beast)


ill be at 5 weeks this coming friday. i agree, another day longer, another day stronger. when all goes quiet, i still have lingering feelings of her. especially the good sides, however i quickly remind myself of all the verbal daggers she tossed my way. her birthday was last friday i didn't acknowledge it. tough for sure, but i kept busy and made it through the day. keep at it, you've got a lot of people supporting you.

best wishes

r
Logged
Longterm
Ambassador
****
Offline Offline

Person in your life: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 423



« Reply #4 on: September 09, 2019, 08:25:15 PM »

 Welcome new member (click to insert in post) ColdKnight.

NC can be a truly horrible experience, especially to begin with but it is something that gets better as time progresses.

If you ever find yourself struggling, remember you can always post and get your feelings out, it really does help.

LT.
Logged

It is, was, and always will be, all about her.
ColdKnight
***
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Person in your life: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 211



« Reply #5 on: September 10, 2019, 03:20:21 AM »

Thanks Giz and L.T.,

@Giz,

Sounds like you and I had very similar experiences. I too ran a couple of time time which probably didn’t help her abandonment fears.

We both had our issues so it’s better that it’s over.
Logged

Take it for what it’s worth, I am no one of consequence.
gizmocasci

*
Offline Offline

Person in your life: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 32


« Reply #6 on: September 10, 2019, 01:48:41 PM »

Thanks Giz and L.T.,

@Giz,

Sounds like you and I had very similar experiences. I too ran a couple of time time which probably didn’t help her abandonment fears.

We both had our issues so it’s better that it’s over.

CK,

looking back, no it didn't! had i knew then what i know now, i probably would've handled things a bit differently, however more than likely the outcome would've been the same. that being said, had i trusted my intuition to begin with, i would've never have gotten involved in the first place. such is life though! a lesson was handed to me, one i hopefully have learned from.

r
Logged
ColdKnight
***
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Person in your life: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 211



« Reply #7 on: September 10, 2019, 03:01:03 PM »

Agreed, always trust your intuition. I also agree that it matters very little what you do. You can do everything right, validate, support ect ect and they will most likely still devalue you. All it does is prolong a highly dysfunctional relationship.
Logged

Take it for what it’s worth, I am no one of consequence.
insideoutside
****
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
Person in your life: Friend
Posts: 315



« Reply #8 on: September 11, 2019, 06:35:15 AM »

Its nine weeks today for me.  I think i've turned a corner this time.  Last week I deleted old whatsapp chats, photos and his number.  I have zero urge to contact him and I really do not care what's going on in his life.  Of course I wish him well but I have no inclination to know how he's getting on.

I really think after 4 years of being back in contact with lots of push/pull and silent treatment... I am finally done.
Logged
Plucky1980
**
Online Online

Person in your life: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 57


« Reply #9 on: September 11, 2019, 08:36:55 AM »

Its nine weeks today for me.  I think i've turned a corner this time.  Last week I deleted old whatsapp chats, photos and his number.  I have zero urge to contact him and I really do not care what's going on in his life.  Of course I wish him well but I have no inclination to know how he's getting on.

I really think after 4 years of being back in contact with lots of push/pull and silent treatment... I am finally done.

There's always a point where you'll say internally 'enough is enough'. Mine was/is after a year of being dumped, crawling back, , threatening to be dumped, being criticised for a lack of confidence by the same person that instigated it, and many other things I could mention. The last (4th time I got dumped) time, getting dumped 30 mins after a hotel stay, 24 hours after she declared how important I was to her, was my breaking point. It's been 8 long, hard months where I've still missed her even despite the crap she put me though.

I'm glad you've gotten to a point where you've decided you've had enough.
Logged
ColdKnight
***
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Person in your life: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 211



« Reply #10 on: September 11, 2019, 03:36:12 PM »

Hi Inside,

Was it hard for you to delete that stuff?  How did you feel after you deleted it?

Have you seen him at all in the last nine weeks?

When we had our first big break up last year at this time I would
run into her or we would exchange a text or two. There was a connection at least once or twice every month at least. I was making no effort to stay away from her. In fact I think we both were trying to put ourselves in each other’s orbit.

This time I am doing everything I can to avoid her. She however has tried to put herself in my orbit a couple of times.
Logged

Take it for what it’s worth, I am no one of consequence.
gizmocasci

*
Offline Offline

Person in your life: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 32


« Reply #11 on: September 11, 2019, 09:12:47 PM »

being criticised for a lack of confidence by the same person that instigated it

plucky this sounds a lot like me. i was criticized for losing my self confidence. according to her i came into the realtionship with a lot, but lost it as time went on. i know we can't put the blame on the other person, however looking back, i allowed her to cut me down. i lost my self confidence because i wasn't strong enough to initially walk away. indirectly, she caused me to lose myself. at the end of the day though, it all falls on us.

r
Logged
Plucky1980
**
Online Online

Person in your life: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 57


« Reply #12 on: September 12, 2019, 12:18:31 AM »

plucky this sounds a lot like me. i was criticized for losing my self confidence. according to her i came into the realtionship with a lot, but lost it as time went on. i know we can't put the blame on the other person, however looking back, i allowed her to cut me down. i lost my self confidence because i wasn't strong enough to initially walk away. indirectly, she caused me to lose myself. at the end of the day though, it all falls on us.

r

I agree, I do blame myself for not walking away in the first instance, a few months into the relationship, when the alarm bells were ringing but I ignored them. I was already in love.

I am very critical of myself for continuously putting myself through the emotional and psychological ringer after this. Crawling back, practically begging her to take me back, each time thereafter her unfathomable actions further eroding what little confidence and self esteem I had left.
Logged
ColdKnight
***
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Person in your life: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 211



« Reply #13 on: September 12, 2019, 02:24:37 AM »

Plucky & Giz,

Don’t be too hard on yourselves for continuing to go back. We have all been there. The constant second guessing yourself “maybe if I would have been stronger, maybe I didn’t validate enough, maybe if I communicated better” The constant anxiety “will they call, when will the silent treatment end, why are they doing this to me” and on and on and on.....

A friend of mine, she is going through the exact same thing, shared this with me today: “I’ll take sadness over anxiety any day. At least sadness has an expiration date”
Logged

Take it for what it’s worth, I am no one of consequence.
gizmocasci

*
Offline Offline

Person in your life: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 32


« Reply #14 on: September 12, 2019, 03:59:33 PM »

Plucky & Giz,

Don’t be too hard on yourselves for continuing to go back. We have all been there. The constant second guessing yourself “maybe if I would have been stronger, maybe I didn’t validate enough, maybe if I communicated better” The constant anxiety “will they call, when will the silent treatment end, why are they doing this to me” and on and on and on.....

A friend of mine, she is going through the exact same thing, shared this with me today: “I’ll take sadness over anxiety any day. At least sadness has an expiration date”

The funny thing is, I kept going back, yet rationally everything I had learned the previous years from being in therapy and doing the inner work kept telling me not to. I'm not really beating myself up for going back, as I think it was a lesson I needed to learn, however I do catch myself from time to time saying, "you should've listened to your intuition to begin with." This person felt so real though, like she was my soul-mate. It'll be 5 weeks of no contact tomorrow, and as everyday of silence sets in, the veil lifts ever so more.

When I used to validate her feelings, she would tell me that she hated that I was doing so.

And I second that quote!

r
Logged
insideoutside
****
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
Person in your life: Friend
Posts: 315



« Reply #15 on: September 13, 2019, 08:05:02 AM »

Hi Inside,

Was it hard for you to delete that stuff?  How did you feel after you deleted it?

Have you seen him at all in the last nine weeks?

When we had our first big break up last year at this time I would
run into her or we would exchange a text or two. There was a connection at least once or twice every month at least. I was making no effort to stay away from her. In fact I think we both were trying to put ourselves in each other’s orbit.

This time I am doing everything I can to avoid her. She however has tried to put herself in my orbit a couple of times.

I realised that he had taken himself off WhatsApp which means he may have changed his phone number.  He changes his phone number every time we fall out which I think he does as a power trip as he keeps mine.  He slipped up once saying he saw me go back on WhatsApp previously when I had popped on there to see a message a colleague had sent. That's what done it for me, the constant games and trying to be in control and I am tired of it.  I deleted everything from that moment on.  Doesn't matter how much I cared about him; I'm just done.  At this moment in time I cannot muster up any feelings about him whatsoever.  I'm not angry, I'm not sad..  I guess I am kinda indifferent now.  He lives 2 hours away from me so we will never bump in to each other which is a positive thing.  I really couldn't care what he is up to.  I hope he is doing ok but that's as far as my empathy goes.
Logged
ColdKnight
***
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Person in your life: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 211



« Reply #16 on: September 13, 2019, 03:04:04 PM »

Good for you. Way to stay strong. I hope I get there. Haven’t quite got to the point that I can delete everything. Hopefully soon.
Logged

Take it for what it’s worth, I am no one of consequence.
Plucky1980
**
Online Online

Person in your life: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 57


« Reply #17 on: September 13, 2019, 04:06:45 PM »

Good for you. Way to stay strong. I hope I get there. Haven’t quite got to the point that I can delete everything. Hopefully soon.

It took me a couple of months myself. I deleted everything, then on the advice of a few people, blocked her on social media. For my own sake, and sanity, more than anything.

I got this awful feeling of dread right in the pit of my stomach after doing it. It was like I was really saying goodbye, rather than the half-arsed attempts previously.

But...... On balance, I'm glad I purged everything to do with her from my life. It's already been hard enough without reminders.
Logged
ColdKnight
***
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Person in your life: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 211



« Reply #18 on: September 16, 2019, 01:11:08 AM »

Five weeks today and today was one of the roughest. Almost reached out several times but I held strong. Day is almost over.....almost
Logged

Take it for what it’s worth, I am no one of consequence.
Can You Help Us Stay on the Air in 2019?

Pages: [1]   Go Up
  Print  
 
Jump to:  

Our 2020 Financial Sponsors
We are all appreciative of the members who provide the funding to keep BPDFamily on the air.
AskingWhy
Bittlecat
Harri
Only Human
PeacefulMom
Radcliff
Skip
Teno
Ventak
wendydarling
Wicker Man
worn_out





Powered by MySQL Powered by PHP Powered by SMF 1.1.21 | SMF © 2006-2019, Simple Machines Valid XHTML 1.0! Valid CSS!