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Author Topic: *How do I let my child be homeless?  (Read 121 times)

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Person in your life: Child
Posts: 13

« on: September 16, 2019, 03:12:08 PM »

I heard from my son today. As always, I only hear from him when there is a problem. Apparently his father threw him out of his home. I dealt with all of my sons issues for 19 years. My ex husband could only manage it for 3 years. So he tossed him out on the street. I can understand his father’s frustration but now it throws all the chaos on me. I know my son wants me to open my arms and welcome him back into my home.
With all that he has done to me over these 3 years, And all of the lies he had told about me, I cannot go back. To take him back in would mean opening my life up to utter chaos. He doesn’t work, hangs out in the house with his gf all day and night, costs me a ridiculous amount of extra money by not respecting rules in my home. He is out of control with his driving so my insurance would increase by $4,000 which I cannot afford.  He refused to eat what I cooked and pushed me up order takeout when I could not afford it. Yes I was ridiculously stupid do accept that in my life but at the time I was just trying to keep the peace. I have another child and didn’t want constant fighting in the home.
So now I am sitting here, shaking, on the verge of tears (while trying to work), freaking out about his safety. He is apparently going to stay at his gf house but honestly how long will her family allow that?  What am I to do if they don’t let him stay? How do I let my child become homeless?
« Last Edit: September 16, 2019, 05:12:56 PM by I Am Redeemed, Reason: Title change » Logged
Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

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Person in your life: Child
Posts: 45

« Reply #1 on: September 16, 2019, 03:26:29 PM »

Hi Leelee,
  Thank you for posting.  I truly feel your pain.  When my dtr was your son's age, and well into her 20's, we had many similar instances.  She is now 37 so I can look back on these things with a much clearer sense of understanding than I did when she was like your son.  Like your situation, my dtr had been kicked out of nearly everywhere she tried to live - her dad, bf, gf, me.  I was terrified she would be homeless, so I took her back.  It was a huge mistake.  She trashed my house, refused to follow any rules, treated me badly, wouldnt work, etc., etc.,  you know the drill.  I was a wreck, as you are.  She had to leave there was no option.  One of the things I have learned about my BPD dtr is that she is amazingly resilient.  I have worried far more about her than she has about herself.  She always lands on her feet.  I think your son will too.  You have said you cannot go back.  For your sanity and health I urge you not to take him back. Get care and support for yourself.  He will figure it out.  Somehow they always do.  You need to put yourself first.  You are still a good mom - it is this disease that makes us feel we are not.
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Gender: Female
Person in your life: Child
Posts: 252

« Reply #2 on: September 16, 2019, 09:00:15 PM »

Hi Leelee,
 I am currently going through something similar to Rosheger's experience,  as my BPD adult son got out of control and destroyed parts of my home, was violent to me , etc this past Spring. I had no choice.  In addition , he refused his  extended family's help and got himself kicked out of that situation.  I know it hurts, Lee lee, but gently I say to you , your son is no longer a child.  the book Walking on Eggshells states the best way to help your BPD adult son is to help yourself first.

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Person in your life: Child
Posts: 80

« Reply #3 on: September 17, 2019, 09:50:30 AM »

Hi LeeLee

I too am in that very situation. I called the police and my child was removed from my house Aug 6th. They have been staying with my sister but that is temporary. So after that I am not sure where they will end up.

I just know that I cannot have my child back. They were doing nothing and that not is harmful to them it was also very toxic for me as I work from home.

It's hard. It's scary. And I get that. Like others have said I hope you, like me, think about your own self and your health and welfare. If you feel you cannot take them back then you have to find ways to stay strong and firm and to not take them back.

I'm in the process of building up my emotional support as I go through this with my kid. I reached the bottom and I'm now climbing back up.

I started the Family Connections Group last night and I also go to a peer parent support group tonight. These are helping me focus on me and helping me to get strong so I can continue on in a different way to repair and rebuild a different relationship with my kiddo.

It's good you found this site and are able to share and to see you are not alone and that there are many others struggling with similar issues and feelings.

Take good care and keep sharing.
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