Watching as he makes mistakes

[Lollypop]

Hi

He’s whirling around reacting to his emotions. I’m steady and remaining emotionally detached. I’m posting here to help myself and others who may read it.

Son28 is finding it very difficult to work full time and take care of his place. He continues to struggle and his feeling of extreme tiredness is overwhelming him. His reaction to simple physical ailments is extreme. He’s irritable due to feeling stressed and not easy to be around.

Things are coming apart and I can see it quickly escalating. His car is overdue on mot and service. It’ll be car insurance soon too - this will be illegal. His place is a mess. He washer leaked and now doesn’t trust it so it’s trips to the launderette. He has a slightly swollen hand and said he can’t work today.

I’ve gently reminded him over the last month about his car. Promises, no action taken. Ive offered to lend him my car so he can get to work while it’s in the shop. His dad offered to fix the washer which was declined (obviously as the flat is a mess) so he took the wrench he said he needed but hasn’t used it. You can lead a horse to water... sigh.

His problem solving includes paying his GF to clean his flat each week. He says he can easily afford it. Ok I think, mmm.

I listened and validated. I didn’t remind him that the side effects of his self medicating includes increased tiredness. I didn’t ask about other drug use. To be honest, he does need a break but that means less income and he just can’t afford that. He’s caught in a trap at the moment. We watch. We wait.

Son18 leaves tomorrow. How much of this is impacting elder son is difficult to say.

I’ve faced my own reality financially. We’re in dire straights (comparatively, if you know what I mean). I’ve an interview Monday for a well paid non-creative job but it’s going to be boring, very boring. I wasn’t happy to get the interview but have pulled myself together. It’s time I stopped behaving like a teenager, my crayoning time is over. Back to the real world. My art was the only thing I’ve done for self-care. My future landscape must bd adapted to.

Steady Eddie is my middle name.

LP

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[FaithHopeLove]

Lollypop
I admire you. It takes courage to face reality and do hard things like accept a BPD son and a boring job. I have a feeling things will start to get better for you. Maybe not right away but you are on the right path. I would love to hear more about your art.

[cbusmom]

Lollypop

Your posts have given me so much insight and I am learning so much from you.

You once said he does things 'when he has to'. It is hard watching them come so close to the edge before they do what is needed but hopefully that is exactly what he needs... that stumbling along at the edge of a cliff so that he can learn it is more peaceful keeping a clear distance between themselves and the edge of the cliff.

[Lollypop]

Hi there

Thanks Faith.i feel guilt complaining about a boring job I don’t even have yet! Trying to stay present in unsettling times is quite hard. I’ve had a schedule and modules to work to and now it feels a bit understandably weird. I didn’t have a vision of my life but one was appearing slowly, now snapped away for now. That’s life!

hard watching them come so close to the edge before they do what is needed but hopefully that is exactly what he needs.

The refusal for professional help is frustrating. He fights who he is by blocking out with drugs. On a positive note, he mentioned yesterday he’s struggling so much because he’s cut back on cbd and whatever else he was taking (I think cocaine but don’t know). Another positive note was that he brought me back to the present in the conversation - this shows he’s trying to show me what he needs. Anyway, thanks for the reminder and I really like the analogy of the cliff edge. He is trying to move away from it and I recognise that. He can’t do many tasks at once, I forgot that. .

LP

[livednlearned]

LP, what does he look like when he's doing well?

[Lollypop]

Hi Lnl

Such a thought provoking question!

I think he looks well when he feels he’s in control of the day to day stuff and this comes with emotional stability (he finds that boring but necessary).

I think I need to accept there will be more periods of instability than the other way around.

LP