Home page of BPDFamily.com, online relationship supportMember registration here
October 31, 2024, 06:57:37 PM *
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length
Board Admins: Kells76, Once Removed, Turkish
Senior Ambassadors: EyesUp, SinisterComplex
  Help!   Boards   Please Donate Login to Post New?--Click here to register  
bing
VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?" Parental alienation is when a parent allows a child to participate or hear them degrade the other parent. This is not uncommon in divorces and the children often adjust. In severe cases, however, it can be devastating to the child. This video provides a helpful overview.
204
Pages: [1]   Go Down
  Print  
Author Topic: My stepson's biological BPD mother  (Read 750 times)
Stepmom Warrior
Fewer than 3 Posts
*
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner’s ex
Posts: 1


« on: October 04, 2019, 08:43:05 AM »

I am new to this group and have reached a point where I am running out of strategies to manage the anxiety I am allowing my stepson's biological mother to bring into my life. Quick context: my 17 year-old stepson has lived with me and his father since he was 8. There is a court order (from Canada), implemented in July, for his biological mother (who lives in Canada) to cease all direct and indirect contact with him based on his affidavit that he does not want to have contact with her. She is unable to comply with the judgement. We have closed all "cracks" in social media and have not passed along information to him she sends via mail. She has bullied me for almost 10 years and I seem to be "running out of steam" to hold myself in healthy regard. I'm working hard to let go of needing her approval, validation, and permission to raise her son--who has significant mental health issues himself, starting with PTSD. His father and I have championed for years to get him all the help and resources he needs in hopes he can achieve his own sense of stability and mental health. I need to find peace with the fact that I know she (untreated) will not stop attacking me verbally and I have to stop giving the attacks merit.

Thanks!
Logged
worriedStepmom
*******
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner’s ex
Posts: 1157


« Reply #1 on: October 04, 2019, 09:17:30 AM »

Welcome.  There are a lot of stepmoms here, so you will find lots of support.

Do you have a therapist?  I started counseling again a few months ago because my SD12's mother was making me incredibly anxious.  I spent way too much time second-guessing myself and/or trying to prove I wasn't stealing her daughter.  I *am* parenting her child - because her mom is not able to do that, and SD very much wants a mom in her life.  Counseling is helping.

Do you have to allow her to contact you?  This summer, my H and I blocked mom from both of our phones (and SD12's phone).  He told her that all communications would have to take place via a parenting app (which logs all of the conversations and doesn't allow them to be edited or deleted).  Doing something like this (or setting up a special email account just for her) lets you take a step back- you don't see the messages when they appear, and you don't even have to read a lot of them.
Logged
livednlearned
Retired Staff
*
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Family other
Relationship status: Married
Posts: 12866



« Reply #2 on: October 05, 2019, 12:16:13 PM »

She has bullied me for almost 10 years and I seem to be "running out of steam" to hold myself in healthy regard.

In what ways do you feel you're running out of steam? It sounds like this is taking a real toll on your health.

How does your husband respond to the bullying?

Is he relatively passive?
Logged

Breathe.
Can You Help Us Stay on the Air in 2024?

Pages: [1]   Go Up
  Print  
 
Jump to:  

Our 2023 Financial Sponsors
We are all appreciative of the members who provide the funding to keep BPDFamily on the air.
12years
alterK
AskingWhy
At Bay
Cat Familiar
CoherentMoose
drained1996
EZEarache
Flora and Fauna
ForeverDad
Gemsforeyes
Goldcrest
Harri
healthfreedom4s
hope2727
khibomsis
Lemon Squeezy
Memorial Donation (4)
Methos
Methuen
Mommydoc
Mutt
P.F.Change
Penumbra66
Red22
Rev
SamwizeGamgee
Skip
Swimmy55
Tartan Pants
Turkish
whirlpoollife



Powered by MySQL Powered by PHP Powered by SMF 1.1.21 | SMF © 2006-2020, Simple Machines Valid XHTML 1.0! Valid CSS!