I've definitely been discarded

[Blueskyday]

Hey all,
I haven't posted since before going abroad with my and Grandbaby.

I felt the discard coming as it's happened before. My dtr came off of her meds and I became a she devil again in her head. I felt the resentment ooze out of her every time I saw her.
It was like a switch flicked.

The holiday was misery which was ironic for the "happiest place on earth". I went for the child's sake in the end. Dtr told me she wouldn't have gone without me.

The whole time she moaned and complained in front of the child. Every now and then she switched and became almost friendly. Most of the time she was angry with me, spoke over me, chastised me again all in front of the child. I was demeaned and ridiculed if I tried to have fun..

I was done before we went but then when the anger subsides you remember that person abusing you is still your child so you try.

I tried, arranged to pop round and see them. It was made clear I wasn't welcome. I would sit awkwardly not even an offer of a drink.
She was resentful towards me and again complaining all the time so as not to have to hear me speak.

 Then when she wanted babysitting or to borrow money sweet and charming. Gadually as before the holiday refused my request to see the child..Stopped inviting me or agreeing to let me visit.

The dog has been a bone of contention and as she's talking about working more I said I would take her back for a while. That's not agreeable..

I have been ill, anal bleeding and weakness. She has no interest in how I am at all. She has not asked me once before during or after the holiday one question about myself..No how are you, how did the job interview go..I went to show the new (old) car I managed to find..How did you do that was all she said and was not pleased I went to show them..I wasn't unannounced.

Her friend is now her go to as the other one has a bf.the friend wasn't around for a long time as she had a bf . She tells me she has weekend plans I know to stop me asking to see the child, to go to her house.

She has not been to my home since we returned..I am alone..I am very sick and I see I am clinically depressed and isolated...I am afraid I have some form of cancer but no one knows..The pain I have suffered with for 2 yrs came back with the anal bleeding.

I am no longer welcome..I can babysit and lend money..Xmas is also scheduled as I cook.

I am heartbroken

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[FaithHopeLove]

Hello Blueskyday
I am so sorry your trip was so miserable and your relationship with your daughter seems headed toward the rocks. It must be doubly hard knowing your innocent grandchild is caught in the middle. It is good you understand that DDs behavior is driven by her condition and is no reflection on you. It is also good that you see what may lie ahead and can prepare for it. One thing that has helped me enormously with my relationship with my BPD son is learning how to set healthy boundaries. Here is a great article about that. Setting Healthy Boundaries The author points out boundaries are not about controlling the other person's behavior. That is impossible. Rather they are about us determining and remaining true to our own core values. See if it helps.
Hugs
Faith

[Blueskyday]

Thanks for your response Faith. You are very kind and always seem to be there for folks.

I think the rocks have been hit. I am very alone but I was purposefully isolated by her behaviours in the past.I remember 10 yrs ago walking into a hospital and receiving texts abusing me .
Since then I have been given meds which didn't help and caused other issues. It has left me with a fear of all Doctors..The steroids for Lupus thinned my bones the antimalarials did weird things. I have all manner of lumps and breaks and symptoms..worse than if I had never been treated..

It will take a collapse to get me to go to a hospital. At this point I fear the cures more than the diseases..

All I wanted was some love and respect. I do not overburden her. I never have. I do not interfere in her issues unless the child is at risk.

Her drinking has gone up since she came off the anti depressants. She craves going out..Problem is she drinks to oblivion..

I went and got the dog today as she was being left for 13hrs tomorrow. Grandbaby was happy to see me. Dtr became rude after 45 mins which for her is good but soon she started and kept saying to my Grandchild " When the dog goes XYZ"..A cue to me to leave. Child gave me a sad look and rolled her eyes..she underatands..

I am careful not to triangulate the child but she is growing up and she can see.

Its all so sad..The dog is very happy

[FaithHopeLove]

Ugh. That sounds so sad. Have you given any more thought to boundaries?

[Blueskyday]

I'm not sure what you mean Faith.
Do you see wobbly boundaries I can't see?

I am open to any suggestions

[FaithHopeLove]

I posted a link to an article on boundaries not so much because I see yours as wobbly but because I think considering your core values and what you are and are not willing to tolerate from your daughter might be a good idea at this point. That is why I asked.