Confused and trying to figure things out

[ParentX]

My adult child.has BPD traits. She physically attacked me a couple of months ago, while very heavily drunk, as well as saying some very trpubling things to me. I figured she would sober up and call me to talk about what had transpired but she waited a month and announced by text how her behavior was my fault and that her entire life and all of her problems are a result.of her abusive upbringing. When asked what it was that she was specifically referring to she said  being too controlling of.her and holding her when she would physically attack me. I explained that i was doing what the therapist had told me to do for her specific needs. I told her I did my very best but that I understood it was not good enough for her since she was feeling this way...Fast forward a couple of weeks and she texts that she no longer wants contact with me due to it being a toxic relationship. I tols her I didnt agree but would honor her wishes if she felt that my relationship with her was harmful to her. She only wanted contact about her children (who i have been raising for years). Since then she has continued to send me increasingly abusive text messages filled with profanity and threats to remove.the children due to my lack of communicating with her about the kids because she feels i have communicated better to their dad. I explained that their dad calls and texts in between his visits for updates which shw fails to.do. She also wont answer calls.or.texts from me so how can I communicate unless she initiates. This conversation ended in her telling me.what a piece of sh!t I am, call me a a fat, ugly, manipulating, broke b!tch and making wild accusations that I has said things that strangely were actually things she has said about her sisters. Im so confused and hurt and I really don't  understand all of this. Ive literally bent over backwards for years to help her in every way imaginable.  Im looking for some emotional support and ideas about all of this.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[FaithHopeLove]

Hello ParentX
Welcome to the group. This is a great place to find the support you need. The parents here get it. Many, myself included, have experienced rages like that of your daughter. It is sadly part of this condition. I really don't think it is meant to hurt us so much as it is their way of coping with unimaginable pain. 

There are other grandparents here who can probably give better advice than I can about negotiating that situation. I am sure they will be along shortly.

You are doing the best you can which is all any of us can do. One day things may get better. In the meantime what are you doing in the way of self care?

[ParentX]

This is my first step for self care. Seeking support and i formation so that i can understand and maybe with that find a better way to manage.

[FaithHopeLove]

You made a great first step. How best can we help you now?

[ParentX]

I am trying to figure out how to best communicate with my daughter. I noticed information on an SET technique which was mentioned on here. I'm really unclear as to whether its right to continue to have no contact with her since she requested it (is that really what she wants?) or if thats more harmful and should I be doing the opposite? This is all so confusing to me.