My daughter in law tires me emotionally

[Grams]

this post has been modidied for privacy

I'm Grams and I'm new, afraid, lost, and I'm happy to have found you. I am terribly slow at typing so bare with me. Im a Mother of a hard-working son and great father. He fell in love and married a woman who was so odd and manipulative. However, he was a grown man and was in love. Her name is J and from the beginning she wanted me to know who was in charge. Their relation has deteriorated and he is in so much pain. All I see is the little boy with the beautiful large black eyes staring back at me with pink rims around them. I am all he has. My family does not invite him to the holidays and is angry with him because he took his wife's side against me. In the beginning, I was horrified and angry with him. I forgave him because I love him unconditionally. Always have, always will. Things were going well I thought and I was on my way to let her in again into my heart and family, small as it is. I should have trusted my instincts because after all the talking and planning she has gone mad again. I have grandchildren who I am afraid for. J has told my son that she is not happy and wants out. He is devastated and im scared for him because his family is everything to him. He is lost.
Truly lost and I am desperate for help. I have been dealing with this woman for seven years and my son has a doppelganger son who I am terrified for. There is so much more but im emotionally tired right now. Please help me help him. Thank You.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[FaithHopeLove]

Hello

Code:

Grams

I am glad you found us and sorry for the circumstances that bring you here. It is hard to be the grandmother  children whose parents have  BPD traits. I am sure some of our members who are grandparents will be along soon to offer their advice. The best I can do is tell you that you are not alone and learning more about BPD can help your relationship with both your son and your DIL. So what is it you are most afraid of now? How can we help?
Hugs
Faith

[Grams]

Thank you for responding. Im looking forward to hearing all the advice I can get.

[wendydarling]

Hello Grams  

I join Faith ~ welcoming you our group, I'm glad you've reached out for support, it is critical. There are grandparents here in similar situations and parents, who understand, you are not alone.

It sounds like your son is keeping you up to date and that is good, despite the pain and heartbreak.

Is your son reaching out for support, therapy can help him navigate his way through, if not it can be the greatest gift. For you too.  

How old are your lovely grandchildren?

WDx