She’s depressed and afraid to mingle so she needs to abuse me

[Parents! Get help here!]

We went many rounds of psychotic emotions and she is now expressing that she is sad, suicidal, and down about Halloween parties she is too afraid to go to.

She has been horribly abusive and continues to return to outside my door to spew viciousness.

I can’t imagine how or when this will end.

Why does this happen? Is there Neuro feedback to help regulate the brain? This is ungodly. I don’t have the money to pay for fringe treatments but I’d find it if something helped.

She says the cruelest things, says I have no friends, no job, no partner, she is to thank for our home. I had a horrible accident where I coded twice, lost most of my colleagues. My ability to drive for 2 years, have a brain injury, and she was driving the car. It is complicated because the person T-boned is doing 90 mph.

But the failures that she points out have driven me to attempt suicide, partly because I can’t imagine living with her anymore.

I was put on lithium to help with the impulsivity that is a symptom of brain injury. Don’t offer links and numbers:I know them and use them and am out of jeopardy.

However, I am strongly considering kicking her out. If she gets this bad over missing out on Halloween stuff because she is inhibited, I can’t imagine what will happen with harder stuff.

[Lola B]

We went many rounds of psychotic emotions and she is now expressing that she is sad, suicidal, and down about Halloween parties she is too afraid to go to.

She has been horribly abusive and continues to return to outside my door to spew viciousness.

I can’t imagine how or when this will end.

Why does this happen? Is there Neuro feedback to help regulate the brain? This is ungodly. I don’t have the money to pay for fringe treatments but I’d find it if something helped.

She says the cruelest things, says I have no friends, no job, no partner, she is to thank for our home. I had a horrible accident where I coded twice, lost most of my colleagues. My ability to drive for 2 years, have a brain injury, and she was driving the car. It is complicated because the person T-boned is doing 90 mph.

But the failures that she points out have driven me to attempt suicide, partly because I can’t imagine living with her anymore.

I was put on lithium to help with the impulsivity that is a symptom of brain injury. Don’t offer links and numbers:I know them and use them and am out of jeopardy.

However, I am strongly considering kicking her out. If she gets this bad over missing out on Halloween stuff because she is inhibited, I can’t imagine what will happen with harder stuff.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Blueskyday]

Ohh my,
The balance of power shifted when you took that hit.
We have so much in common.

I had a car crash when my dtr was 10. It all started then. I couldn't walk for 3 yrs.


My dtr is very overweight.
She screams whilst trying on multiple outfits and discarding them. She grabs her fat and threatening tells me "You have no f****** idea how this feels. Of course she goes and gets another take away because she likes her food. I am slim but she accuses me of having made her fat with my cooking.

she does all this in front of her child. Then says she can't go out.

It could be anything, any reason any comment you make. You are probably emeshed as we were. Its not your fault
 

[FaithHopeLove]

I think the reason why so many people with BPD rage at the people closest to them is because the pain they feel is intolerable. The way their mind works leads them to believe that if they are in pain someone must be causing it. So they lash out for the sake of whatever relief they feel in the moment. Sadly there is no magic cure. The most effective evidence based treatment for BPD is DBT. Many people do recover but it does take time. Is your daughter open to exploring that option ?

[Blueskyday]

Agreed. There is also the..Your success equals my failure

[Lola B]

BlueSkyDay,

Thank you for sharing. My daughter is also overweight and blames me. While I was very forgetful, she manipulated things and lies that I hit her. She never wanted me to drive but bitterly lorded it over me that she had to drive such that I had to pay neighbors to take me places and tolerate their unsafe driving.

I am eternally optimistic, which she requires yet considers naive.  She did DBT a few years ago and again for outpatient this summer. It is helpful but not enough. This is no way to live.

FaithHopeLove,
I agree that it is extremely painful for them and they are causing us to feel what they feel. That is no way to live either.

Bless all reading this. Peace to you and your family.

[Blueskyday]

Same but she stopped short of saying I hit her. I am emotionally abusive (apparently)

I spend my days ( struggling with Lupus) thinking up ways to upset her.
Any negative behaviour exhibited by me is unforgivable and always intentional.

She hates me so very much it broke my heart. I was angry like you are but now I am grieving.

My advice is find a therapist who can explore co dependence. I was emeshed and the power dynamic switched . I had no short term memory for 18 months following the car accident. Looking back I think it was the Lupus.

You need someone to help you so you aren't where I am 20 years down the road

[Lola B]

I am so sorry to all who responded.

The flipped power dynamic is astonishing, isn’t it. They run roughshod over you. I divorced her father because of exactly this behavior.

She is seeing a psychiatrist for meds Tuesday. I hope it will lift her up somewhat. She was never easy, but this is a whole new level.

[FaithHopeLove]

I am sorry to hear that your daughter's difficult behavior is at a new level. I also hope her psychiatrist can help. But my main concern is you right now. You have been through a lot. What are you doing in the way of self care?