I haven't been on this site in a long while. Been lurking now and then, but haven't been posting, primarily because after 2 years, 2 months, and 7 days of very little movement and a lot of chaos, I get tired of writing/saying the same darn thing.
Still, it helps sometimes to update, if for no other reason, but to get a handle on where I've been, where I am, and where I may or may not be going.
So, a chronology:
2017 Aug 13: STBX leaves
2017 Aug 31: STBX files for divorce
2017 Sep 21: I'm served papers
2017 Sep 25: I email STBX-FIL and STBX-MIL about the divorce. Also hire my first lawyer, a male, at the XYZ Law firm.
2017 Oct 21: STBX-FIL emails me, laments the fact that he "just now" saw my email (Put "just now" in quotes because STBX-FIL has said the same thing since 2006.) tells me he is confident that if I so choose, I can put the marriage back together.
2017 Nov 22: STBX-FIL fires STBX's former caregiver. No severance package. He then cuts me off. (STBX and I had been living on proceeds from Trust.)
2017 Dec 20: I contact XYZ Law Firm about being cut off. My male lawyer is out of the country. Another lawyer, a female, files emergency motion with Court.
2017 Dec/2018 Jan: I apply for & receive early Social Security. I apply for & receive food stamps. My savings is now depleted, and my credit cards are close to being maxed out. I have borrowed money from friends & family. I'm mid-60s at the time, been out of the work force for 11 years.
2018 Jan: Male lawyer returns, advises I go with female lawyer as she is more knowledgeable about trusts and prenups. I hire female lawyer, let's call her "M" M tells me that the prenup I signed waives my right to spousal support, which is not enforceable in the state where I live.
2018 Jan-Apr: M and I go back and forth, rather contentiously, about what I "want" as a settlement. I tell her repeatedly that I am asking that she start with is not what I need, not even necessarily what I want, but that my STBX-FIL went from the son of a blue collar worker to a Wall Street multimillionaire, and if I start reasonably, he will low ball me. M basically tells me, "Pigs get fed. Hogs get slaughtered." My T suggests that I work things out with M, as I have been always been the type of woman who tends to cut professionals out of my life if their opinion is very different from mine. The arguing that I do with M is a harbinger of what's to come. In this time, my STBX-FIL joins the divorce as an intervenor. Initially, I think this is a good thing as my STBX is too low-functioning to negotiate at all. STBX-FIL hires best family law in the state--QRS.
2018 April 26: Date for "emergency" hearing.
2018 April 25: We reach agreement on interim. I get a partial amount for arrears & enough to get by. STBX-FIL insists on taking over paying for: landscaper, house cleaner, my TV service, my Internet, the utilities & so on. I argue with M about this. Having my STBX-FIL pay for my internet feels incredibly intrusive. Additionally, an IT guy who works for STBX-FIL is incredibly talented, and I worry (with justification) that this IT guy could hack me. (I'd been hacked several years prior to this.) M dismisses the worry, attempts to joke me out of it. I am also forbidden from contacting the CPA who pays all these bills. More accurately, the CPA firm is forbidden from telling me anything about the payment of the bills. Result? 1) Electric doesn't get paid; I get a disconnect notice on the gate. Amount owed? $1900. I don't have $1900, can't borrow it. I live on a well & Septic. Both need electricity. 2) Trash pick-up is not paid. I don't get a disconnect notice. The only way I know is my trash isn't picked up for 2 weeks, prompting me to call the trash service, who tell me I owe $450. I have 2 dead squirrels in the trash, and the temperature is hovering in the 80s. And I can't talk to the CPA. Issue gets resolved, but...
2018 Aug: An elm tree on the property comes down. One of the 3 iron vehicular gates to the property breaks. It snaps at the hinge. It is a massive, massive iron gate, and I'm not even 5 feet. I can do nothing to fix the thing. And the CPA can't talk to me. I email: CPA, STBX-FIL, STBX-FIL's assistant, & M. I am beyond snippy. CPA emails me a little bit later, tells me has been given authority to hire a property manager, let's call him S for Stupid. He hurries over. I think this might work as he seems concerned about the condition of the pool--broken and nothing more than a breeding ground for mosquitoes. I show S a paper wasp nest. STBX-FIL is supposed to pay for pest control. S leaves, sends someone to fix the gate. My daughter is at the house when the worker shows up. She becomes angry with me because I won't go out and talk to the guy fixing the gate; she gets angrier when I won't look for WD-40, which the man doesn't have and which he needs. I ask her to look at it from my perspective: I've had the ability to take care of my surroundings stripped from me, and I see no reason to make small talk. (My perspective: there is a concerted effort to leave me completely disempowered.) Additionally, someone who is being paid to fix an iron gate should bring his own d**n WD-40. This disagreement between my D and me is only the first of many to come. And always because I am no longer being pleasant.
*I will resume this later. I so need to write this down because now the issue of disempowerment concerns my writing and my STBX-FIL's insistence that I sign a broad and all-inclusive non-disparagement clause for him, for his son, and for every unnamed family member. And I won't sign. So more about this later, but I first needed to start on the chronology. And, boy, is that working because I am so angry about these past 2 years, 2 months & 7 days that I need to remember there are so so many reasons for my anger. More later.
TMD
