exBPD rubbing her relationship in my face, infront of our son

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Hello all,
My uexbpd is getting married very soon and she constantly rubs these items in my face, she sends me text messages of how happy she is and constantly send me emails just saying how she is getting married to the best man of her life.  Lately at custody exchanges she says how she's so happy to find the right man for our child.  It really doesn't bother except for the fact that she is trying to alienate my son away from me.
Our relationship ended 4 years ago and I can't seem to wrap my head around why she is still trying to make me jealous.  When I say the text messages are non stop and emails they are, telling me things about her upcoming wedding, etc.  Why is she doing this?

[Newyoungfather]

Hello all,
My uexbpd is getting married very soon and she constantly rubs these items in my face, she sends me text messages of how happy she is and constantly send me emails just saying how she is getting married to the best man of her life.  Lately at custody exchanges she says how she's so happy to find the right man for our child.  It really doesn't bother except for the fact that she is trying to alienate my son away from me.
Our relationship ended 4 years ago and I can't seem to wrap my head around why she is still trying to make me jealous.  When I say the text messages are non stop and emails they are, telling me things about her upcoming wedding, etc.  Why is she doing this?

[worriedStepmom]

My H's ex does the same thing. They divorced 10 years ago (and H and I married 7 years ago).  ex got engaged last fall and spent about 6 months telling H how happy she was to find a man who treated her well and didn't abuse her.  (The texts stopped when they broke up.)

His ex is still emotionally attached to H.  She craves his approval.  I saw the texts as a combination of wanting him to acknowledge that she made a good decision and a way to dig at him - ex is upset at the idea that I exist, so she thinks H would be upset at the idea she'd have a husband.

The best thing we did was block her on all the phones and make her go through a parenting app to communicate.  A lot of that kind of irrelevant stuff stopped at that point.

[Newyoungfather]

Thanks WorriedStepMom.  How did your husbands ex react when he started dating, I promised myself that I would start dating after I got 50/50 custody, I am talking to a potential future girlfriend.  Should I expect nasty emails when she finds out that I am dating.  Obviously I never tell her anything about my personal life, just wanted to see what type of reaction I am going to get.

[worriedStepmom]

H's ex was okay until we got engaged (SD was 4).  Then ex worried that we were working to steal SD from her.  Ex is very threatened by my existence, even 8 years later.  ex hates me more than anyone else, except maybe SD's T.

ex tries to alienate SD from me. For about 2 years SD repeated all the nasty things mommy said about me  - but only when H wasn't around to hear.  I kept asking "What do you think about that?" and "How does that make you feel?" and sometimes "Do you want to know what I think?" ("I think mommy may be confused.  I think blah blah.")  Eventually SD figured out that mommy's perceptions were wrong and stopped repeating the crap.  She still hears it, and it hurts her, but she doesn't believe any of it.

ex is a constant stream of negativity about me directed at H and at me.  She screamed at me once for making SD a sandwich while SD was at our house.  I finally threatened to file harassment charges and then blocked her.

My T says that ex's perception is true. She IS losing her daughter to me.  I am now SD's mom (even though she doesn't call me that).  This happened over time because ex is not able to provide unconditional love and consistent parenting and I do. 

It's great that you found someone potentially special.  Make sure she knows about BPD (neither of us did) and that she's prepared for a barrage of nasty - even from your son at first.

[Newyoungfather]

That's what I was figuring, I have an old childhood friend that comes and visits my son.  The one day my son said her name in front of exbpd and her demeanor changed drastically for almost a month with nasty emails, nothing in particular to my female friend but just in general, the reason I stayed single for such a long time is because I didn't want to drag anyone into the nonsense of the ex but I think its inevitable at this point.