In crisis with my adult daughter

[Trusting-waiting]

Where to start. My adult daughter (late 20’s) is struggling with life, intense feelings of self hatred, and not wanting to live. She gave birth to her first child a few months ago. The issue in her mind is that she no longer wants to be with the babies father. They were never married or living together, and for the last 4 years she wanted out. She broke up twice but went back. Now she is forever tied to him. She sees this as the biggest mistake in her life. Keeps wishing she’d chosen a different path. She is torturing herself. Self medicating with alcohol, overuse of anti anxiety meds. She and the baby are living with us. The baby is so precious, but her bonding with her daughter is being deeply impacted by her state of mind.She did start an intensive (9 hrs/week) DBT program a week ago. She has little faith in it working because it won’t change her situation. This is really hard to watch and deal with.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[FaithHopeLove]

Hello Trusting Waiting
Welcome to the parenting support group. We are glad you are here. I am sorry to hear what your daughter is going through. It must be terribly painful for her and for you particularly now that a precious baby is involved. It is really good that she is willing to try DBT. I get it that she does not hold out much hope for it but at least she is giving it a go. Who knows? It may not happen over night but she may find that this therapy really does help. Many people with BPD have found that DBT enables them to have lives worth living. Your daughter could be one. Don't lose hope. Do what your name says. Trust and wait. Meanwhile hang around with us a while! We understand what you are going through. Has your daughter been diagnosed? How did she find out about DBT?

[Trusting-waiting]

Thank you so much for your encouraging words! This is the first time I’ve been able to openly share with others who have a child struggling with BPD. It can be so isolating. Years ago I wondered why our daughter had such intense emotions. Then I wondered why she developed an eating disorder. Then why she couldn’t get over things that didn’t seem very big. She has had social anxiety most of her life, and as a result is quite introverted. She lost a job due to her anxiety. This disorder has created so many tangential problems for her. She has had counseling on and off, and did one residential program (in which they treated her for an eating disorder). This was never the root, just an offshoot. I need emotional and practical support so badly. Thanks for being here

[FaithHopeLove]

Does knowing your daughter likely suffers from BPD help? I remember when my son was first diagnosed I felt some relief because knowing the problem is a big step toward finding a solution or at least a way forward. She may not have gotten all the help she needed in the past but even these half steps add up. Please do keep us posted about how DBT goes.

[Trusting-waiting]

Thank you Faith Hope Love. I guess it helps explain the many issues we’ve faced. Maybe I can let go of some of the guilt I’ve carried. ? It’s just so hard to be in the thick of it. Just tonight she was crying, angry, and hopeless. I’m pretty sure she drank to numb out and sleep. I pray for progress even just a little. I can’t make it better.

[FaithHopeLove]

You did not cause this and you can not fix it. It is up to her to make it better. One day at a time.

[Trusting-waiting]

Thank you faith hope and love for the wise words! I love the name you’ve chosen