What to do about a dangerous Psychologist

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

I’m divorcing from my uBPDw.   Before I moved out, she took us to a psychologist, that she seemed to be able to manipulate.  He is one that doesn’t believe in abuse in marriages or that if both people can work on the relationship, abusive behaviors will disappear.  I have some other posts on my frustration with this guy.  Well, all he did in the end is give my wife the validation that she wanted that she did not have a problem, she just had some minor anger issues that could be solved if I got better. 

Now that I moved out, she has kept the kids from me.  I have not seen them for 61 days.  She made false allegations to Child Protective Services and got the two oldest to back her story.  She bad mouths me to the kids and is poisoning them against me. She is taking our kids to the same psychologist that saw us as a couple, which I don’t like.  I had a chance to talk to him and I brought up parent alienation and he said he is familiar with the authoritative text on alienation and he does not believe alienation is taking place.  He believes when he’s testified that parental alienation is going on, the kids recite things with language or phrases that are beyond their level our very different than their character, or use the phrase, “Mommy said…” or “Mommy said to say…”  He said, that is not going on.

So, I really don’t like this guy seeing my kids.  He seems to be helping my wife do her dirty work through his own incompetence.  My wife and I filed for divorce in July.  I requested the consent forms to treat my kids.  They were signed by my wife in August.  I know we are still technically married, but would he need both parents signatures?  I KNOW he knew we had filed for divorce before he started seeing them.

I’m wondering if he is violating something by seeing my kids.  I also wonder if there’s something I can do to stop it.  We also have a Guardian Ad Litem who just started working on our case this week.  I know he strongly believes that this psychologist has a conflict seeing my kids.  So I don’t know if I would be helping long term by trying to do something, or if it would be better to wait three weeks when the GAL talks to the judge.  I know this GAL does not like this psychologist and without prompting feels the psychologist is being manipulated by her.

[Wilkinson]

I’m divorcing from my uBPDw.   Before I moved out, she took us to a psychologist, that she seemed to be able to manipulate.  He is one that doesn’t believe in abuse in marriages or that if both people can work on the relationship, abusive behaviors will disappear.  I have some other posts on my frustration with this guy.  Well, all he did in the end is give my wife the validation that she wanted that she did not have a problem, she just had some minor anger issues that could be solved if I got better. 

Now that I moved out, she has kept the kids from me.  I have not seen them for 61 days.  She made false allegations to Child Protective Services and got the two oldest to back her story.  She bad mouths me to the kids and is poisoning them against me. She is taking our kids to the same psychologist that saw us as a couple, which I don’t like.  I had a chance to talk to him and I brought up parent alienation and he said he is familiar with the authoritative text on alienation and he does not believe alienation is taking place.  He believes when he’s testified that parental alienation is going on, the kids recite things with language or phrases that are beyond their level our very different than their character, or use the phrase, “Mommy said…” or “Mommy said to say…”  He said, that is not going on.

So, I really don’t like this guy seeing my kids.  He seems to be helping my wife do her dirty work through his own incompetence.  My wife and I filed for divorce in July.  I requested the consent forms to treat my kids.  They were signed by my wife in August.  I know we are still technically married, but would he need both parents signatures?  I KNOW he knew we had filed for divorce before he started seeing them.

I’m wondering if he is violating something by seeing my kids.  I also wonder if there’s something I can do to stop it.  We also have a Guardian Ad Litem who just started working on our case this week.  I know he strongly believes that this psychologist has a conflict seeing my kids.  So I don’t know if I would be helping long term by trying to do something, or if it would be better to wait three weeks when the GAL talks to the judge.  I know this GAL does not like this psychologist and without prompting feels the psychologist is being manipulated by her.

[formflier]

At first glance it would seem to be better to let GAL do their thing.  Also likely best to work on getting a second opinion, vice getting rid of an opinion that you don't like.

If two professionals come up with conflicting opinions, then it seems natural a tie breaker will be needed.

Oh..another thing is rather than asking if he thinks alienation is going on, to ask if he has "ruled out" parental alienation. 

Also ask if he has "ruled out" various things (such as personality disorders) in your wife.

I say this because it's one thing for a professional so say "Seems like some anger issues here."  It's another for them to say they have examined a situation enough to definitively state something is not applicable.

How are you getting this information on the GAL?  Your L perhaps?

Best,

FF

[Wilkinson]

At first glance it would seem to be better to let GAL do their thing.  Also likely best to work on getting a second opinion, vice getting rid of an opinion that you don't like.

I have had conversations with other T's that initially lead me to this conclusion.  They would ask these questions.

Oh..another thing is rather than asking if he thinks alienation is going on, to ask if he has "ruled out" parental alienation. 

He said he did rule it out based on the things I said above about the kids not sounding scripted.  After I met with him, I found the information from Craig Childress on how to evaluate for alienation.

Also ask if he has "ruled out" various things (such as personality disorders) in your wife.

I did.  He thinks its wrong to label people with PD's.  He specializes in ADHD and seems to have no problem labeling people with that.

How are you getting this information on the GAL?  Your L perhaps?

Some stuff he asked me directly to provide.  We started out with a face to face meeting to get started.

[formflier]

  He thinks its wrong to label people with PD's.  He specializes in ADHD and seems to have no problem labeling people with that.
 

Will he put this in writing or clarify this in writing?

This seems like an odd thing for a P to say/believe?

Best,

FF

[ForeverDad]

If you had used the T for marriage counseling, then there could be some concerns about seeing the children too if it was at the same time.  Not sure about later.

Has the GAL worked with therapists or counselors who are well respected by the court?  While courts do agree that counseling children is good, many courts are more comfortable with both parents having a share in selecting a counselor for the children.  Since you know your ex would only select gullible, biased or inexperienced counselors, it would be best for you to be proactive (rather than reactive) and get a short list of experienced counselors that are well respected by the court then your ex would have to choose from that vetted list.

Most of us haven't gotten a diagnosis for our ex-spouses.  Even if we had one, then we'd still have to document that it impacted the children sufficiently for action.  So documentation of the poor parenting or co-parenting behaviors is what generally works best in our high conflict cases.

[livednlearned]

I would ask your L about this, but if this happened in my case, I would draft an email to the T saying that you do not give permission for the kids to continue seeing him, effective immediately.

Then write something to your wife saying that you do not give consent for the kids to see the current T. That you propose to select three therapists for the kids, and she can choose which of them she believes is best suited.

At the very least, document that you are not in agreement, and are thinking about solutions (that can also be included in language in your custody motion).