feeling sad and hopeless

[equilibrium35]

Good evening,

My daughter has BPD.  We have known for years and have gone through so much as many of you on here have.  Over the weekend we encountered her first violent rage.   I drew a boundary around her wanting to go "driving around" with a 20 something year old boy.  She got violent and threatened to call CPS.  She hit me in the face and begged me to hit her back. I refused to do so because I knew she wanted me to so and I could never put a hand on my daughter.  She doubled down and started calling me names and saying awful things.  She repeatedly texted me that I should kill myself.  I was doing everything I could to deescalate the situation.  I wanted to call the police because I feared for my safety and the safety of my partner and my 15 year old son.  I am scared of her and she knows it.  I am in the that tug of war with myself around whether or not I am a horrible mom for wanting to call the police.  This emotional space is devastating.  I spoke with our family therapist and she let me know that calling the police is one of the only ways to get support when things escalate to that level.  My daugther is in therapy every week as well as a support group for teens with BPD.  I feel that despite all of it things continue to get worse.  We are all exhausted.  I am worried about my 15 year old son.  I appreciate any insight and thanks for letting me talk.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Swimmy55]

Thank you for writing to us. 
The good here is that you and your DD are both in your individual therapies.  Gently, your therapist is right.  Safety and preservation of life is paramount .  Period.  We understand the pain that you are up against and not wanting to call the police, but for all of your sakes , you must.  It is the most life affirming thing you can do, as she cannot / is not mentally able to de escalate herself  by herself.  In addition, you must help   yourselves and your son in order to help her. 
If you fear for your safety, trust that and take that leap of faith and call 911.  You can couch it as a mental health crisis when you call .  Please let us know how you are getting on, we are here for you.   

[Swimmy55]

Part 2- you can do this.  I take it she is a minor since you have stated you don't want her around a 20 year old? 
You are not horrible for calling the police.  I have had to do so as have others here. 

[FaithHopeLove]

Hi Equilibrium
I am also glad you reached out and wrote to us. This is a great group and we are happy you joined us. Many parents here, myself included, have experienced our BPD children's rages. It is scary and painful. What it is NOT is your fault. It is part of the nature of the disorder. Pwbpd (people with BPD) project their feelings onto others particularly those who are close to them like parents. Please do not underestimate the danger or feel bad about calling the police. Your safety must come first. It is good that you and your daughter are in therapy. There is hope for brighter days ahead. Meanwhile please be careful. Did your T (therapist) suggest ways of protecting yourself?
Hugs
Faith