Need some help, advice, and validation

[Ackmom]

Hi
I am just exploring this diagnosis for my son. After reading about it it certainly rings true for him. I have been struggling with him since he was a baby. My quote for him has always been...”when he is good, he is very, very good, but when he is bad he is horrid!” 
He can be so charming and fun outside of our home. Everybody loves him. Then he gets home and all hell breaks loose.

He has disrupted our family and taken all of our time and energy to the detriment of our 2 other children.

He is 20 now and the best time we have had is when he has been living away at college. But He is now planning on coming home and not going back to college next semester.

I really don’t want him to move back but I don’t want to send him out onto the streets either. I would like to get him (us) some intensive help but I don’t think he will be a willing participant and I don’t want to spend money on treatment if he is not ready to accept it.

We do not have a formal diagnosis right now but I would like to have him assessed. I am being told that it will cost about 2K out of pocket to get a thorough and proper assessment and diagnosis. I am willing to pay that if it is necessary and will lead to the right kind of help. But I’d love to hear from others that have been down this road and might have some words of wisdom for me. It would be greatly appreciated!

Any advice out there?

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[FaithHopeLove]

Hello Ackmom
I am both happy to meet you and sad for the circumstances that bring you here. My experience is somewhat similar to yours. Our son basically dropped out of college citing anxiety related health problems. He and his girlfriend lived with us for three years until the situation became unbearable due to his drug dealing. My motto for him is "ready, shoot, aim."

What is it that I can tell you about? I don't know how many words of wisdom I have but I am willing to share about anything you like. What exactly does your son do that makes you suspect he has BPD? Hang in there. You are not alone.
hugs
Faith

[formflier]

You have found a group of people that "get it". 

How has your son being doing in school?  Is he dropping out?

I really don’t want him to move back but I don’t want to send him out onto the streets either. 

Is it your choice where he lives?

Best,

FF

[twocrazycats]

Welcome, Ackmom. Your statement about your happiest time being when your son's in college rings true for me, too. My happiest time is when my almost 19 year old daughter is in college.

My daughter asked in the beginning what would happen if she couldn't make it through college. I told her that then she would need to get a full-time job and start paying rent, either to live with me or somewhere else. Of course, I would help her get started and not charge her much, but I absolutely don't want her walking back in the house and not pulling her weight. I don't think it's good for her either. Can you make your son living with you contingent on him having a job and paying something toward rent? Also, is he leaving because he doesn't enjoy what he's studying or because he's not doing well? Is he leaving at the end of the semester or waiting until the end of the academic year? Just trying to think what other options are out there.

It's tough, but I totally get what you are going through. I think most of us here do.

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