Silent treatment

[Egg and crumpets]

Hi. I’m new to this. I’m currently 8 days in to silent treatment after a non significant row. My hbnd left and won’t acknowledge contact. The only thing I have had is requests for telephone numbers etc. I Came across bpd and it was as if someone was describing every detail of our relationship and his behavior. I’ve spent the last couple of days reading all I can. But I’m at breaking point and need some guidance on how to approach him (or not)

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Rev]

Hi. I’m new to this. I’m currently 8 days in to silent treatment after a non significant row. My hbnd left and won’t acknowledge contact. The only thing I have had is requests for telephone numbers etc. I Came across bpd and it was as if someone was describing every detail of our relationship and his behavior. I’ve spent the last couple of days reading all I can. But I’m at breaking point and need some guidance on how to approach him (or not)

Hi - And welcome.  And I am sorry you find yourself here but I am happy that you have reached out. One of the ambassadors will be in touch shortly I am sure and they can begin to guide you.

I just wanted to reassure you that you have come to a great and supportive place. People here will understand your situation because we've all been there.

For the moment, breath and know that help is on the way to bring clarity to your mind, body and soul.

Live in hope - reach out again if you need to.

Rev

[Egg and crumpets]

 
After all of reading other posts its nice to know im not alone. But I am currently at breaking point. looking back at the last time this happened even after 9 days I know he is still livid with me. on previous occasions when he does eventually come back we will have a big argument , I will accept responsibility and things will return to normal. Until the next time. Each time it wears me down a little more and on this occasion I cannot cope. With christmas coming my family are asking about arrangements and its hard to lie, I have spent the last week just at home waiting for some hint he might be ready to talk but nothing. I know if I push him he will simply say im dead to him, the marriage is over and there is nothing more to discuss. if I dont push him he will just continue the silence. In his mind he is angry because he thinks I have suggested he choose between me and his children.  I didnt. we were discussing christmas and trying to come up with a solution to see everyone and it turned in to an argument. but he will take from that that I was saying me or them and that will be the focus of his anger. Now unless I say "yes thats what I did and im sorry" we wont move on. I tried contacting him and saying I love him and im here for him we can deal with this together but that was ignored also.
I just need some advice how best to approach this as clearly im getting it very wrong. the last time the silent treatment lasted 2 weeks. I cant cope with that again. I cant understand how he can be ok knowing how much pain he's putting me though. He will know that I wont have slept or eaten all week. I want to understand the thought processs in his head as I could never knowingly make someone suffer as I am. Its so cruel. Any advice greatly received. 

[Stillhopeful4]

Welcome Eggs and crumpets,

I wanted to reach out and welcome you!  I also wanted to let you know you aren't alone.  Many of the members have experienced similar to what you are describing.

I can relate to the silent treatment.  My W uses it all the time.  It use to be a 3 day thing, every time like clock work, then day 4 she would just start crying and then rage and we would talk it out...or now that I look back I had to sit there and listen to her yell and cry and just take the blame.  This summer things broke down bad and she went 2 weeks with silent treatment while living with me...shortly after she moved out and got her own place.  We were still talking but now she's stated s/t again, it's been just over a month.  It's a punishment.  It's horrible.

((HUGS)

SH4

[Rev]

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I just need some advice how best to approach this as clearly im getting it very wrong. the last time the silent treatment lasted 2 weeks. I cant cope with that again. I cant understand how he can be ok knowing how much pain he's putting me though. He will know that I wont have slept or eaten all week. I want to understand the thought processs in his head as I could never knowingly make someone suffer as I am. Its so cruel. Any advice greatly received. 

Hi Egg and Crumpets -  How very difficult a situation to get a handle on for you.  Boy o Boy - a pwBPD is so adept at swirling (gaslighting - word salad) your mind and soul.  I liken it to being sea-sick. Nothing you do will make it pass - until it passes and it returns again the next time you are on the water (a metaphor for the particular game you SO plays).

Have you read Stop Walking on Eggshells?  Here's the audio link - a great listen.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5QY4JZJonCs

Hope this helps.

Hang in there.   

Rev