Kids Questioning Mom’s New “Fake” Personality

[Torched]

Tonight my D12 asked me out of the blue if her mother ever acted “bubbly” and “fake” to me or the kids during our marriage (my daughter only remembered her mom being quiet and not engaged emotionally).

I asked why and she said her mother started acting weird and talking in an obviously fake bubbly manner all of the time to her, her older brother, and boyfriend.  She wants to know why exBPDw is doing that.  I have no idea; I only know that isn’t her.  Made me wonder if something is going on.  Anyone ever seen this change?

[mart555]

Age 12-13 is when many kids clued in that something is wrong with the PwBPD.  I'd say that your ex may have a new masks to maybe seem really nice to the kids and gain them back.  My ex did the same... Maybe she is a bit histrionic too? That's part of cluster B..

[MeandThee29]

Once the therapist told me this, "Short term improvement is just that. Long-term behavior is what counts, so just wait."

It's so hard on the kids though. They don't know what to think, and if she goes back, their trust will take a nosedive. I would validate their concerns and tell them how much you love them and want to make a stable situation for them.

[Torched]

Thank you both for input.  I just had to drop them off at mom’s house for Christmas.  Neither wanted to go especially D12.  I think you are right that my D12 is grappling with how different her mother is, especially how emotionally shallow.  My kids prefer being with me and my extended family during the holidays and it is hard to leave them there.

My ex has waif/hermit tendencies, is high functioning, very intelligent, but she and her mother who likely also has BPD are cold fish.  For her mother to behave like that would be odd.  We’ll see.