I don't hate holidays

[Borderlined]

I had an epiphany after 30 years. I don't hate holidays. I  I hate them because of my wife. I see people enjoying Christmas. No matter how much I help, every Christmas comes down to a last night before the kids come over all night marathon wrapping and sorting and shopping for food. I want to enjoy Christmas, without my brain burning from lack of sleep.  I want to not be glad for the 26th.  I'm not f a joke, I think it's a sad situation.  Thanks for listening

[Borderlined]

How do you edit? I can't figure it.I didn't mean to send the above post through yet . I like to fix my errors.  I may live with a person with bpd and be extremely Co dependent myself,  but I don't want to appear illiterate

[AskingWhy]

I have been married to a uBPD H for more than 20 years. H is thin skinned and easily hurt by the most innocent of comments, then he'll explode when his insecurity buttons are pushed. Then I get "the usual": silent treatment, name calling, divorce threats, holes punched in walls or furniture destroyed, usually wooden chairs dashed into the floor.  He's like a toddler having a tantrum trapped in the body of a man of 60.

For pwBPD, every emotion they feel is connected to other feelings all at once. When he is mad at me, which is often, he perceives me subconsciously as the X W, a ubpd, the one who cheated on him and took all the children across the country to marry her lover.

In my case, each Christmas is about his X W jerking him over visitation, and another man with the children.  H uses me as the punching bag for what she did to him almost 30 years ago.  Then H dysregulates, but always shows a good face to the adult children:  a uBPD who made a suicide attempt, a drug and alcohol addict who is virtually homeless (does not even own a cell phone), and the other a mother of young children who is so NPD that her poor husband is miserable.

I am also codependent with low self esteem but made huge strides to correct this the past few years.

Take heart, Borderlined, that many here can relate.

You can make corrections by hitting "modify" in the upper right of the text field.  There is a time limit to when you can modify, and you can't after you log out.

Be well.  Most of all, remember you are not the mentally ill person here.

[Notwendy]

Don't worry- you don't appear illiterate. Maybe fed up and upset, but not illiterate. We aren't here to judge anyone's grammar or writing style, just to help and share when we can.