Christmas was great...until it wasn't

[BoyMom]

My 26 yo has undiagnosed BPD and my 22 year old just graduated college with a degree in Psychology.  And as we all know, a 22 year old with a Psych degree knows everything there is to know about everything. So my BPD son comes into town for Christmas and all was great Christmas Eve and Day. Until it wasn't. At night my boys, nephew, grandson were all playing basketball out back and BPD son got fouled. Well as anyone reading this knows, that little hair trigger can set things OFF. And it did.  He came inside and said he was right, wasn't a foul, everyone outside was stupid, the typical "they're wrong and I'm right" BS.  Then he picked up a soft drink from the table and slammed it on the floor, causing it to go all over the couch and floor. He had a friend pick him up so he left for the night and we were all glad to have the peace. But then he showed up this morning. Remorseful? Hell no, still wound up. "You weren't there, you didn't see what I did they called a foul and they're all stupid, I looked it up and it wasn't a foul".
It doesn't matter what they did, I said, your reaction was not warranted. But he was rev'd up so there was no talking sense to him and hubs and I kicked him out of the house. We still have a house full of family, I'm done trying to hide the elephant in the room, done trying to make excuses for him. I just told everyone when we went to my mother-in-law's house that my son wasn't there to eat left over lunch because we kicked him out of the house. So there, no need to talk behind my back anymore.  He's staying with a friend tonight. I'm sure he'll show up again tomorrow, if for nothing else to get his stuff upstairs to fly back to CA,  but I'm done walking on eggshells, I love you but we've coddled you long enough, we're not tolerating your behavior in our home, you're not gonna come into town and tear our house up.
Yesterday was perfect. All my boys were laughing together and getting along and the family was all together and I couldn't have been happier. And then it all went to _____ when my  BPD son went over the edge over a friendly game of basketball in our back yard.
I hope you all had a better Christmas. Such a hard time of the year. I long for the day I can anticipate Christmas, enjoy the decorations and participate in the joy of it all...without a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach that at any moment all hell will break loose over the smallest thing.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Swimmy55]

Hi BoyMom,
 It is extremely frustrating to deal with adult child BPD, but you handled it well.  You are not making excuses for or hiding his behavior because you have realized correctly that you are not his keeper.  I take it he doesn't see that he has an issue/ getting any help for himself? 
Good for you for kicking him out of the festivities.   I know it is guilt- inducing, but he did bring it on himself. 
If you look back over your Christmas, it may not have been perfect ( no one's Christmas is) but you certainly have a lot of good moments.  Be proud of yourself with no guilt!
A suggestion only- would it be terrible for you to not invite him to your house for the next family gathering?  You can put it to him gently that he seems to get overwhelmed with a lot of folks around and that you as well as he deserves a nice unstressful time.