Teen Daughter with BPD need help with boundries

[Parents! Get help here!]

I'm not sure where to even begin. The struggle and stress are unreal right now. Things are better than they were, but I all to often feel like I'm failing as a mother. I can't tell when I need to push harder or just let her be. She is my oldest and she's so disconnected with the family. I just really need some guidance from those that have been here before.

[Mom3girls]

I'm not sure where to even begin. The struggle and stress are unreal right now. Things are better than they were, but I all to often feel like I'm failing as a mother. I can't tell when I need to push harder or just let her be. She is my oldest and she's so disconnected with the family. I just really need some guidance from those that have been here before.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Harri]

Hi and welcome! 

Can you tell us more about your life and situation?  Hope you are coping and what sort of things you are having difficulty with?  We can definitely support you and help you as you navigate your way through your relationship.  The good news is that things can get better for you.  We have lots of parents who have been through or are in a similar place as you so you are in good company.

What sort of boundaries are you having trouble with?

[Mom3girls]

I feel like it's a constant struggle to get her to do anything from cleaning her room to taking a bath. There's always an excuse or reason why it can't be done or will be done later. If I push hard to get her to do things I'm a horrible mother and why can't I just let her be. Before we started mood stabilizers she might go cut herself because I put to much pressure on her to keep good grades, clean her room and other basic life task. Before the added meds she had severe psychosis, hearing voices and vivid dreams.
I see a rage on the horizon. She has let her grades drop in 2 classes. Not because she's struggling with the material, but because she's got multiple missing assignments (example vocabulary words). When asked why she's not completed the work, her reply it's stupid and she's not learning anything from doing it. I've told her if the work is not complete and she gets a bad grade there will be consequences. She will totally flip out when she's punished; cry uncontrollably, tell me I'm to hard on her, that I expect to much from her and need to understand her mental illness. If I don't give in she will cut or even start making suicidal threats.
I feel hopeless and lost sometimes. I mourn the daughter I had that was happy and outgoing. I wonder if I will ever see her again.