How to cope?

[Stayafloat]

My adult daughter was diagnosed as bipolar but now they say she is BPD.  As I read about that she seems to fit the latter definition the best.  They included sever depression, PTSD (very abusive marriage) as well.  She lives with us.  I feel constantly on the defense, I try so hard to not upset her or further upset her when something triggers her.  She says awful things to me especially when I don’t agree with her view point or  when I tell her I have to leave the room because I can’t deal with her anger right then.  I believe my wife may have this as well.  They are very much alike but my daughter is by far the worse.  There are times when I am at my wits end.  How do you cope. 

I know she is ill. She says she will go and get counseling help end of Feb when she gets her service dog back. He comforts her but needs some refresher work.  It seems everything upsets her and she reacts in the extreme. She goes on and on for hours.  How do I deal with this situation? How do you?

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Swimmy55]

Welcome!  The good news is your daughter is willing to go to counseling.  Please know you are not alone. How to cope is to take care of yourself and that you are obligated to do so.  You and your needs are as important as your daughter's.  I , myself , go to my own therapist in addition to attending 12 step meetings such as alanon and Nar anon.  It will also help for you to learn about BPD and read the suggested readings in the library.   Unfortunately there are no quick fixes to this, but it is so easy to allow the illness to rage through the house and to lose sight of what you need for yourself.  Please feel free to write back as you are able.

[KBug]

I don't have much to offer you now other than some encouragement. I'm new to all of this, too. I just joined yesterday and this is such a supportive community.  The responses to my post have been really valuable and reading other posts helps me to learn from what other people are experiencing and trying.  You are in the right place.

You asked, "It seems everything upsets her and she reacts in the extreme. She goes on and on for hours.  How do I deal with this situation? How do you?"
I'm really struggling with this, too.  It's exhausting. I listen for a while, then I ask her what her treatment plan and therapist say to do when she's struggling. That's not going well and she's angry with me now. I think she wants me to fix her problems and I can't.  I'm not sure how to help her feel heard without getting sucked into the drama. Maybe we can learn together.  Read some of the other threads.  Many of them talk about self-care. Other posters are helping me to think more deeply about taking care of myself first.

[Stayafloat]

So what I described you are dealing with too? The constant negativity, the anger and raging? I try to stay positive and not to take it personal.  I don’t always succeed.

[FaithHopeLove]

In addition to the excellent suggestions already mentioned I find compartmentalization helps. Yes I am the mother of a person with BPD but that does not define me. There are other aspects to my life and other things that make me me.