Apparently we need new blinds for our bedroom

[formflier]

My wife and oldest couple daughters went to see Gone with the Wind in theaters tonight.

I got some lovey dovey texts that would indicate lots of great talk and sex when she got home.

I said I was up for it and looking forward to it.

She gets home and demeanor is "off" but I press forward, staying neutral to "slightly leaning in". (perhaps 30 min after texts)

Well as we are getting ready to get into bed I needed to turn the light on.  She started barking orders at me to turn it off.  It scared me and and I asked what was wrong (she was that loud and insistent).  Apparently I wasn't moving fast enough so she starts shouting eff bombs to turn off the light.

I turned off the light and left the room to grab some water and collect my thoughts.

I returned to full dysregulation a few minutes later about "how I knew" the neighbor was able to see her image in the window even with our thick blinds there and she told me this a long time ago and I haven't fixed it..

We did talk about blinds, there was a broken string (but we never put them up..so?) and if we lean something against the blinds in the window well, it completely changes them so you can see outlines.  (we had some early Christmas things in boxes in the window well that did this, so I moved them..problem solved..or so I thought)

Since that conversation that we remember differently, I'm positive she has stood there with lights on, completely naked many many times and I have as well.  Yet tonight when she was mostly clothed, turning on the light resulted in barking orders and eff bombs and...all after putting out the booty call texts.

Weird...weird weird.

She went off to bed and I'm doing other stuff.

I know reality doesn't matter..but...

Sigh

Best,

FF

[strugglingBF]

I can identify with this so much.  Not the blinds in particular, but the change from being "in the mood" to starting an argument that totally zaps me of even wanting sex.  And I want it frequently.  Then, when my BPDgf's behavior turns me off she gets mad at me for rejecting her.  I would say it went that way about half the time.  The other half of the time she would just start a ridiculous argument and would work herself up into so much anger that she no longer was in the mood.  It was ALWAYS over something trivial, or something that made no sense, or something not based in reality.  We have had sex numerous times while all our kids were in the house.  Yet, sometimes we couldn't have it because kid X was home in bed...sleeping.  Or we couldn't have it because one of her kids was on the way home from the other side of town (that we both know takes 20 minutes to travel from).  Other times we would have sex in the laundry room with the kids up and active in the living right above us.  I could go on and on about all the strange things she has brought up right as we are about to get intimate.  She has asked me about prior lovers right as we are getting intimate (zap goes the intimacy when that comes up).  She has brought up things she doesn't like about my family or my kids right as we are getting into bed naked.  Really?...who does that?  One night, after a night out of drinking and dancing, we come home to an empty house (YAY!).  Can't get each others clothes off fast enough, make our way up to the bedroom playfully, I go to kiss her and she tells me that I was checking out other women at the bar.  Reality...we were dancing in the corner of a bar and instead of facing directly at the wall I choose to face the rest of the bar so I could see what what going on around me.  Well, because my head was not turned toward a wall that meant I was checking out other females.  There wasn't even anything worth checking out in that bar and she knew that, but it didn't stop her from using it to zap intimacy. 

[CHChuck]

Intimacy issues seem to be so prevalent here. I faced so many criticisms or flat out rejections surrounding intimacy. I remember when trying to conceive our children, she got angry with me because I was trying to make the experience pleasurable. When we are in a bad spot, I still hear her snap, "What are you doing?"

For me, I've chosen to find other outlets to replace the lack of intimacy in our relationship these past 20 years. Specifically, I work out vigorously and find other things to do at night. Of course, that does not help my resentment. 

In retrospect, I would set clear limits around intimacy. Setting limits recently has caused conflict.