When they want to start the familiar conversation from zero...

[formflier]

I'm trying to figure out what FFw is "getting" from starting a conversation with a claim that "we've never talked about X before"

I suppose it could be to remind me there are lots of things not getting done that she believes need to be done.

This morning she wanted to talk about why I needed to travel for an eviction hearing. 

Umm...because I have an eviction hearing.

Because my handyman has been sick and things haven't been accomplished that need to be accomplished.

I tried to be kind and was hoping to influence the conversation in a good direction.  I ended up leaving the room when she wanted me to explain to her why I wouldn't sell two properties at the same time and the answer of I can't be in two places at the same time wouldn't suffice.  She actually asked why not...

And claimed we have never talked about these issues before, therefore she was entitled to lots of detailed questions.

Sigh...really not up for this.  My next week or so is one of those deals where I have 10 things to do that really need to be done and I'll be lucky to get 5 of them done.  BPD isn't helping..

Best,

FF

[Cat Familiar]

Do you think it’s a possibility that she was so immersed in her internal dialog previously when you’ve had these discussions that it didn’t register that you’ve already spoken about these matters?

My mother often claimed that I hadn’t mentioned something, when I knew I had—and that was years before the dementia.

I think pwBPD can sometimes be so preoccupied by the chaotic thoughts and feelings swirling around in their minds, that things we say often don’t get recorded.

[formflier]

 
There is a strong possibility she really doesn't remember.

Or perhaps she was wrapped up in facebook or the TV and not paying attention to me...or ...?

And of course time is short, so if I've had a conversation several times before and they can recall zero of it...why on earth would I have the conversation another time.

This is all in the backdrop of me not having the best day (completely independent of my marriage)...so I have little tolerance for nonsense.

I thought if I could listen and use tools perhaps I could turn the conversation to something healthy, but literally...literally she acted as if she didn't understand why I couldn't be in two places at once that are 1200 miles apart, to be able to prepare a property for sale in both locations...at the same time.

I simply couldn't think of a tool or concept to apply...so I left the room. 

She's been muttering and cussing under her breath for most of the rest of the day. 

A time or two I had brief conversations with kids about stuff they were doing (chores) and you could hear f bombs being dropped in the background...just loud enough to kinda make out.

Sigh..

Best,

FF

[CHChuck]

I wonder if whatever you are talking about is lost in her fear of loosing you? Well, I know not formally loosing you, but you are leaving her, abandoning her. I think this happens with my wife as well. She uses everything in her Southern bell arsenal to keep me from traveling. Only when it's something about which she's passionate can I leave...never for my own personal needs.

I am learning to set limits with these things. I might say, I know you hate that I'm leaving, but this is something I need to do. I've done this recently and she gives me some pretty serious threats. However, she's here every time I come home.

When I worry, I remember, no matter what she says, the reason this is happening is because of her fear of abandonment.