Fed up and exhausted.

[Serene-Karma]

I am married to a man with borderline personality disorder and also narcissistic features. Largely I have excepted that I need to do everything I.e. taxes, paying for my daughters tuition at college. Doing housework or hiring people myself. Doing yardwork or hiring people. The only thing I need him to do
Is to go shopping once a week. We have regular fights about this it’s almost like he’s brain-damaged. And infuriates me because I do so much. Today I asked him to clean out the leaves in the vents in our two areas around the house the water is backing up in our sinks & bathtubs Hegave me a hard time and started this huge fight which I fall into in in a rage. He just was fired from his third   
Course I paid cobra now he has a job with a pay card and really the only thing I covers is there a medical premiums. It’s largely what keeps me staying. We all have some severe medical conditions that require excellent care sometimes out of network. My daughter was diagnosed with a rare disease breaks my heart but I’ve gotten her the right treatment. I really cannot get a job in my field that has health insurance. I have my own business. Obama care will not deal with the level of illness in my family. Very few doctors especially the ones we need for special situations do not take it. I can’t wait to get Medicare in about six years. I’m hoping my daughter will be well enough not to be disabled. Of course he’s been narcissistically abusive to her but she’s had plenty of therapy and is able to set boundaries and he’s a college now. I ended up calling another contractor The first time I cried to a contractor about my husband being a lazy 

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[khibomsis]

Serene Karma,   and welcome to the family! It sounds like you have a lot on your plate. It is a heavy burden and you certainly are doing your best to cope.

Can you tell us a bit more about your situation? In particular whether you have support amongst family or friends? Because it sounds to me that you are burning out, things are starting to get to you. In such situations it is better to get support sooner rather than later. Have you been able to access counselling? We can become so focused on those who need our help that we neglect ourselves, which helps nobody.

I myself have started attending Co-dependents Anonymous meetings to deal with my inability to set boundaries. They have meetings in many areas and also offer online services. This has really revolutionized my outlook on life. For instance, I said "no" four times in the last two days:) It saved me so much energy that I was able to focus on self-care. It is a wonderful dynamic.  Do you think this might be an option for you?

What also helped for me was browsing this board and sharing other's stories. I felt not so alone and gained much insight from seeing how others  handled things.

I hope your daughter continues to improve.
 
Khib