I told her to not to come home until she gets help

[Scoby]

I have been married to an NPD for almost ten years. The first four were violent until I figured out she had NPD.  I have been enduring verbal abuse instead and keeping it from escalating.  In 2019 she became angry because I won't adopt children with her for obvious reasons. She pretty much gets angry with me on a daily basis and talks to me like I am a ten year old. She went back to her country for a month and I told her not to come back unless she gets help. I wonder what will happen.

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[CHChuck]

"She pretty much gets angry with me on a daily basis and talks to me like I am a ten year old. "

My therapist told me the same thing about my PBD wife of 28 years. I've learned to recategorize the verbal criticisms as her turrets-like tick.  The talking at me like I'm a child has been hard, though. 

Hang in there and take care of yourself. I know I suffer from PTSD after those years when I was enduring without knowing what this was.

[Done-er Stepdad]

I support you in your potentially life-saving resolve.

I lived in an Asian country and saw a lot of Western men get involved with what now in retrospect were clearly BPD relationships. A lot of it was dismissed as cultural.

Keep educating yourself and keep protecting your precious psyche.

[GaGrl]

I support you in your potentially life-saving resolve.

I lived in an Asian country and saw a lot of Western men get involved with what now in retrospect were clearly BPD relationships. A lot of it was dismissed as cultural.

Keep educating yourself and keep protecting your precious psyche.

My husband's ex is Asian. When he described the circumstances of their marriage, I asked how much of the problems were cultural and how much psychological/emotional. He said 50-50. I think it was more 70-80% BPD/NPD.

Some of the cultural values can be difficult to extract from the PD behaviors as Western families tend to function differently (status, face, acquisition and handling of property and assets, emphasis on parents and children).