Feeling helpless

[Parents! Get help here!]

My daughter was diagnosed with BPD 8 months ago.  She is 13.  I feel like I am doing everything right as a mom, taking her to psychiatrists, psychologists, counseling, the hospital, she is on medication, a support group.  Everyday is a challenge.  She tells me how much pain she is in and how she wants to end her life - every day for over a year.  She cries for hours, she is angry, can be verbally abusive, misses a ton of school.  I am so lost.  I want to put limitations on, but at this point I feel like my goal for each day is simply keeping her living.  When I look towards the future, it just seems like this progression will only get worse as she enters high school and the pressures that come with that.  Help.

[VavaH]

My daughter was diagnosed with BPD 8 months ago.  She is 13.  I feel like I am doing everything right as a mom, taking her to psychiatrists, psychologists, counseling, the hospital, she is on medication, a support group.  Everyday is a challenge.  She tells me how much pain she is in and how she wants to end her life - every day for over a year.  She cries for hours, she is angry, can be verbally abusive, misses a ton of school.  I am so lost.  I want to put limitations on, but at this point I feel like my goal for each day is simply keeping her living.  When I look towards the future, it just seems like this progression will only get worse as she enters high school and the pressures that come with that.  Help.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[FaithHopeLove]

Hi Vavah. Welcome to the group. I am glad you are here. This is a great place to get the information and support you need. You sound like a very loving parent who is doing your very best in a very difficult situation. What have you already read/ learned about BPD? How can we support you now?

[VavaH]

I have attended a DBT group with my daughter, which she refused to attend anymore after 6 weeks.  I have read lots of information online as well as a book for family members of loved ones with BPD.  I don’t really talk to any of my friends or extended family about this.  I guess I just feel that it’s all so much and sometimes I just appreciate talking about the things going on in life without everyone wanting to then focus on what’s going on with my situation.  Having said that, I feel like there are so many times when I feel like I am going through this alone.  I just want to know there are others out there who are in the same boat.  Maybe they have tried things that work well with their family members that I haven’t tried...I don’t know.

[FaithHopeLove]

You are definitely not alone. We all get it. Feel free to share or vent or whatever helps. We are listening.

[livednlearned]

When she refused to attend DBT, how did she let it be known?

Is residential treatment a possibility?

She is lucky to have you as a loving parent, and to have received the dx at an age when many doctors (wrongfully, I believe) won't make the dx until age 18.

Of the books you've read, is there anything in particular that has been helpful?

[twocrazycats]

You are most definitely not alone. My daughter's BPD first became apparent when she was 13. But the doctors refused to diagnose it because of her age. It wasn't until 5 years later that a therapist unofficially diagnosed it, and by then, my daughter herself knew that she had it.

There is a lot of information on this site that might be of help, and just reading the posts of other parents in the same position can be so helpful, at least to me it is. I hope you will continue to read and share.

2CC