BPD adult age child moved back home

[Mom1988]

Our BPD adult aged daughter was diagnosed last year with Stage 3 Cervical cancer while living hundreds of miles away.  After radiation and two bouts of chemotherapy,  she has decided to move back home to live with her father and me to "get back on my feet, financially."  Her treatment, doctors, and mental health professionals remain in the city that is far away.  It is difficult watching her go about her life without oncologists or mental health professionals close to us. She continues to work, sometimes from home and at other times, going into the office locally. My husband and I are trying to be supportive without being critical; however, it is so difficulty to watch her make decisions that we think are not in her best physical and mental health. 

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[FaithHopeLove]

Hi mom Welcome to the group. You are in a very painful situation for sure. I feel for you. Is your daughter still seeing her doctors or has the distance caused her not to?

[Thanks]

Hi, Mom1988,
It is so very hard when a bpd adult child also has a legitimate health problem. I have a bpd adult daughter and also a bpd sister, both of whom also have physical health issues. Both of them have blamed their unacceptable behavior on their health needs and stresses. I think they truly believe this is so, instead of recognizing the link between their bpd diagnosis and the behavior. They each have used guilt to claim extra special treatment, tolerance, etc. But I've come to realize that giving in and cosseting them is a form of enabling. After a few bad health problems of my own, I've learned that complaining and obsessing about health issues just makes it all worse. That helped me to be more matter-of-fact with them and not crumble or get ground up under their pressure. I remind myself that people live with much worse than their health problems, happily and productively.
Don't know if that helps - you have a challenging situation with your daughter right there in your home. But you can still make it all work, perhaps, by remembering that her condition is very treatable and most people recover well. Your having a down to earth reaction to her needs could be a good reality check for her.
Good luck! I know all the folks who read your post will be rooting for you. This community really understands what you're going through.