NPD Legal strategy advice needed Divorce and business

[Vanessa8787]

It's been a while, gang.

In short, I'm well over one year into divorce process with husband with undiagnosed NPD. (It is as though he read all of the books on the awful behavior.)

I own two businesses; he is an employee of one of them.

He, of course, already believes he owns that business, or more specifically, my largest and most profitable client (for the least effort) as a part of that business.

Early in the D process, I would have settled and given him that client, but truth told, he has dragged this out, made the process awful and within the last few months (after he has refused to take that settlement), through no effort of his (simply the nature of the client's business) they are growing exponentially, which means a huge potential opportunity for this business.

There have been court orders executed and all sorts of reasonable requests from the court and my attorney to him. Almost universally ignored.

The court is on to him. (Finally. Don't get me started.) And now we have a court-supervised settlement meeting at the end of the month.

Given his NPD, any suggestions re: strategy?

I've read Splitting cover to cover, gave it to my divorce attorney and selected her based on her familiarity with NPD. But she's a mediation/settlement sort of girl at heart and I think we are going to need to take this to trial, start deposing and offering evidence, and let the judge decide. He's shown he's incapable of good faith negotiation.

I would have terminated his employment months ago but he holds on to software files out of state (on the laptop owned by his business) which he refuses to return.

The court has indicated he must bring the laptop to the settlement meeting.

Okay, hopefully enough information to run with -- thank you all in advance for your words of wisdom.

Vanessa

[ForeverDad]

How can the spousal relationship be separated from the employer/employee relationship?  Do you have any legal advice or opinions regarding potential issues that could arise?  In your state can you let him go?  That is the optimal outcome since most here have found that once there is a divorce, the relationship has to end.  That is, it doesn't work to say, "Let's just be friends."  It's an all or nothing scenario.  But there are business issues here.  It would be great to have a stance, "Going forward, this will be kept businesslike."  But already you've encountered the dilemma of information or resources being withheld.  So businesslike probably isn't enough.

Others will chime in that you need to go into the session well prepared.  And whatever agreements are reached, one aspect must be included: consequences for noncompliance.  Everyone will say, "The agreement is done, nothing more is needed."  But you know there will be some level of noncompliance somewhere, probably several somewheres.  Without consequences built into the agreement, then if you go back to court the court may simply grant more time, and more time again.  Courts are amazingly reluctant to enforce their orders unless they can point to a clause that already lists the consequences.  So the agreement needs teeth.  Sorry, the mediators or negotiators may want to be nice but nice won't cut it, businesslike means all bases covered.

[GaGrl]

Is he currently an employee of your business? Or has he established his own business doing the same work, expecting to take the client with him? (I'm a bit confused.)

What strategy is your lawyer suggesting?

ForesteD is correct in that, without built-in consequences you will probably be looking at the need for more court action 5 address non-compliance or new violations down the road. I would think you would both protect your currnt client list and have a mutual non-disparagement agreement.

Is he looking for a flat amount buy-out, assuming he "owns" part of the business? Or is he looking for X years of payment?

If you separate the business issue from the marriage, you might be able to offer a severance agreement to terminate the business relationship, making the marital settlement cleanet.

[zachira]

Vanessa8787,
I am sorry about everything your husband is doing to make your divorce as difficult and conflictive as possible. I am wondering what you can do to make it look like he is winning. I also read "Splitting" and it is a great book. Maybe you could do a consultation with Bill Eddy just to get some strategies specific to your situation from the expert on high conflict divorces. I am thinking that maybe selling the business that your husband is working at might be the ultimate solution in that you and he will no longer have any business connections that would give him more opportunities for revenge after the divorce.

[MeandThee29]

If I were in the same situation with my ex, I would want the clean break. We ran into that with a few issues that ultimately cost me, but with the way we handled it, there is no need for ongoing contact. That was worth it for me. So you may want to divide the business for your own peace of mind.

If your attorney is more comfortable with mediation/settlement conferences vs. litigation, you may indeed want to switch attorneys after the settlement conference if you have a trial date. I had several interesting discussions with my lawyer about litigation vs. the negotiation process when it was looking like we would have to go to court, and they require slightly different skills. Some lawyers don't have as much trial experience and may not be as effective. Generally older lawyers have more trial experience with the way family law has evolved.