How do I manage this?

[Wilona]

My 30yr old daughter was diagnosed 2.5 years ago with BPD. This was 6 months after my 25yr old son passed away from a 10 yr battle with addiction. In the wake of these life altering tragedies I’m struggling to come accept the hand life has dealt me. I struggle with immense grief over my son coupled with the challenges and toll having a BPD child has had on me.  I realize how her continual rage of venomous cruelty changed me as a human being. Changed me as a parent. Affected my outlook, my abilities, my self worth. I’ve been reading books to understand more about BPD and it’s honestly terrifying and depressing. It feels like more than I can take. Looking to hear how others navigate relationships with their BPD child. I feel at a loss

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[FaithHopeLove]

Hello Wilona I am glad you are here and terribly sorry for what brings you here. Life does deal us some hard blows sometimes. I am also working on acceptance in search of some kind of serenity. You are not alone. There is hope. We will walk this valley with you.

[smallbirds]

I can understand you feeling like this is more than you can take. I really hope that you have your own therapist who can help you focus on your own well-being in the midst of being a caretaker to your daughter.

My kid is still a teenager and we have a DBT "parent coach" who is tremendously helpful. She can often explain things about the way my kid acts, and help us understand the behavior better.

For one thing, my guess is that your daughter is cruel toward you because she knows that it is "safe" for her to do so. She knows that you love her unconditionally, so she expresses her underlying suffering as rage toward you.