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Aubie
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Child
Relationship status: Step-mother
Posts: 1


« on: March 16, 2020, 06:48:04 PM »

Hi there, This is my first time posting. I have a 14 year old step-daughter who has a "likely" diagnosis (according to her therapist) of BPD. She lives with me and my husband/her father, every other week, alternating with her mom. She is currently in a psych hospital due to escalating risky behaviors and suicidal ideation and we are currently looking for a residential program for her. In the meantime, she's due to discharge this week and will return to live at our home. We're scared, uncertain, and scrambling to get things into place. We are doing some reading, per her therapist's recommendation, to educate ourselves about this disorder. Unsure of how much more to share, but this is a start. Support here would be great. I recognize the need for self-care on my own part.
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Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders
Swimmy55
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Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Child
Relationship status: Estranged
Posts: 809



« Reply #1 on: March 17, 2020, 10:48:35 AM »

Welcome you are in the right place!   It is great you are getting her the help she needs.   Now for you, you will need your own support / net work as well for how to cope.   We can be a part of that network , but also many of us obtain our own therapists in addition ( and as $$ allows).  Some of us go to 12 step programs such as Al-anon  as these teach detachment from the ill loved one.   Even though your daughter has BPD, the 12 step programs for families helps keep the focus on us and our needs, and they are free.  There are also online options ( keeping coronavirus pandemic in mind). 
Take a look around the website .  Read up on BPD - a popular book is " Stop Walking on Eggshells"  .  Here is a link to the suggested readings.  https://bpdfamily.com/content/book-reviews
Please write to us more as you are able.
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livednlearned
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Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Family other
Relationship status: Married
Posts: 12731



« Reply #2 on: March 21, 2020, 04:10:53 PM »

I'm a step mom too (SD is 23) and she narrowly avoided a hospital stay when she had a psychotic episode at age 16. Here, they don't seem to dx teens with BPD so she has a bipolar diagnosis that explains some of her emotional dysregulation but not the other more BPD type traits that make her a challenging person to interact with.

Have you read any of Blaise Aguirre's work on Adolescence in BPD? He also has some good youtube videos. Another book that I found really helpful is When Your Daughter Has BPD by Lobel. He addresses how having a BPD daughter can impact the family structure and I found that particularly useful because SD23, through her own lack of skills, tends to create factions.

What are some of the challenging behaviors you fear dealing with at home?
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