My soon to be born childs mother has BPD

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

    
    I had met a girl in September of 2019. We hit it off great mostly because both of us are sex addicts. I will put that out there initially, I need help with this and I'm going to just state the facts. We were both using drugs on and off until we found out she was pregnant. And not long after I found out she was pregnant she started pushing me away quickly and ferociously. I understand I must own my own actions and I didn't always respond well to her deep cutting insults. So I found out she was cheating on me with every friend of mine who would do it, as well as still prostituting herself now and again like how she did when she was in full addiction years prior. She wanted to hurt me so bad because of a few arguments we had about her constant talking to other men to get attention. I have had my issues with relationships and surrounding sex but I had made a lot of progress and she wouldnt see the problem with her actions.  After I found all this out I put the information out there for everyone to know. I should not have done this, but in being someone who always dated safe girls and now taking on a wilder chick I felt like my whole heart was ripped out by taking a chance on her, especially because she was doing these things with guys while she had been carrying my kid for a month and i had never been cheated on ever. All this occured from early oct through late December. The relationship ended and the worst of the fighting went on from the end December until mid February.


    Her and i had been civil from mid February until mid march when we stopped talking. She is a person who likes to create issues with who whoever she can so she can try and make someone feel as low as possible with her indescribable ability to cut a person apart with her words and she gets extreme satisfaction from it. I try to be nice but she picks at a few things I did which basically was when i told others about her behavior and my confronting her about it. She still wont admit to anything and now I'm going to be co-parenting a child with her. She causes me to feel so discouraged. She tries to tell me how it's going to be or she threatens to do whatever she needs to (outside of court) including affecting my safety and wellbeing through men she teases and strings along, who would do almost anything to be with her. I found this out after her and I started fighting about the tactics she will use to win or come out on top, however she views it. I just need help and want to get sound advice. Talk to her still? Dont? So idk. Ps the conception date is smack on the middle of the two weeks she stayed with me and we werent out of each others site. There is that...

I appreciate any help.

[Help.me.bpd.Gf]

    
    I had met a girl in September of 2019. We hit it off great mostly because both of us are sex addicts. I will put that out there initially, I need help with this and I'm going to just state the facts. We were both using drugs on and off until we found out she was pregnant. And not long after I found out she was pregnant she started pushing me away quickly and ferociously. I understand I must own my own actions and I didn't always respond well to her deep cutting insults. So I found out she was cheating on me with every friend of mine who would do it, as well as still prostituting herself now and again like how she did when she was in full addiction years prior. She wanted to hurt me so bad because of a few arguments we had about her constant talking to other men to get attention. I have had my issues with relationships and surrounding sex but I had made a lot of progress and she wouldnt see the problem with her actions.  After I found all this out I put the information out there for everyone to know. I should not have done this, but in being someone who always dated safe girls and now taking on a wilder chick I felt like my whole heart was ripped out by taking a chance on her, especially because she was doing these things with guys while she had been carrying my kid for a month and i had never been cheated on ever. All this occured from early oct through late December. The relationship ended and the worst of the fighting went on from the end December until mid February.


    Her and i had been civil from mid February until mid march when we stopped talking. She is a person who likes to create issues with who whoever she can so she can try and make someone feel as low as possible with her indescribable ability to cut a person apart with her words and she gets extreme satisfaction from it. I try to be nice but she picks at a few things I did which basically was when i told others about her behavior and my confronting her about it. She still wont admit to anything and now I'm going to be co-parenting a child with her. She causes me to feel so discouraged. She tries to tell me how it's going to be or she threatens to do whatever she needs to (outside of court) including affecting my safety and wellbeing through men she teases and strings along, who would do almost anything to be with her. I found this out after her and I started fighting about the tactics she will use to win or come out on top, however she views it. I just need help and want to get sound advice. Talk to her still? Dont? So idk. Ps the conception date is smack on the middle of the two weeks she stayed with me and we werent out of each others site. There is that...

I appreciate any help.

[ForeverDad]

There's only so much you can do to avoid triggering her.  Too far and it becomes appeasing and sacrificing, neither are long term solutions.  It's common that the person with BPD (pwBPD) cannot - or does not - let go past hurts, no matter how much you apologize.  (By the way, for legal liability issues do not apologize for doing wrong, rather at most apologize for their feeling hurt.  Hard to be blamed legally for hurting someone's feelings.)

The real answer is for her to start intensive therapy (DBT or CBT are recommended) and apply it diligently long term to her perceptions, world view, behaviors and life.  If only it were that easy, the Denial and Blame Shifting are that great.

With her being so active sexually, have you confirmed you are the baby's father?  A DNA test is the only way to be sure.  You can do a standard paternity test after the baby is born.  A test can be done before birth too, but in addition to your cheek swab your ex would have to agree to providing a blood sample.  Evidently some fetal cells do cross over into the mother's blood system.