How to not trigger

[Overwhelmed73]

Hello
I am.new to this group . This is my 1st post. My adult child has all the.traits but no formal diagnosis.
My biggest question is - how.to speak to her about my concerns and wishes/rules of.the.house without starting a war?

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Swimmy55]

Welcome!  Yes, communication is a tough issue with our BPD adult child.  Please take a look around this website.  Here is a link  from this website for you to take a look at  called SET:  https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=143695.0
The main thing to remember is not to be hard on yourself, because these don't "take" over night with the BPD adult child and it takes a lot of practice  and it may work for some issues but not others.   
In addition I suggest you read up as much as you can about BPD.  There is a book suggestion list in the library here.  One book" Stop Walking on Eggshells" is a popular one here.  It gives the caretakers permission to take care of themselves first .  You are as important as your BPD child, and that often gets lost in the shuffle and struggle of day to day living with them.