how so? what happened?
The details aren't important. This situation is very different. The issue comes with my tendency to be nostalgic and to try to recapture something that once was when the time for that has long passed because people change, or in some cases, didn't.
i cant tell you how many members i have worked with on this board who have not gotten this opportunity, but instead have had extreme actions or allegations taken/made against them.
i am not sure this is an attitude that is going to improve your situation or save the relationship.
to do that, you have to understand what went wrong, and what is going to change, and how. your trajectory depends far more upon that than having a next conversation or what its about.
to do that, you have to be in a place to do that...to sort through it all.
No one thing 'went wrong', she just got into a really bad space and instead of reflecting onto me she decided to isolate. Is something I did a factor? Likely. She started drifting away after I let her know the end of my engagement was finalized/public/official. I checked my logs, she said she was in a bad headspace a few days before that though.
She had just moved.
Closer to family (there are family issues).
She mentioned something that at first seemed minor but the layout of the building left her feeling isolated/anxious at times, something about hallways being too narrow.
The Covid-19 crisis began.
The state she lives in is one of the ones that reacted in a more draconian manner.
Probably some other factors I'm not remembering at this moment or are simply unaware of.
it was one week ago that you were planning to sneak attack her and let her have it.
it feels great that she responded. it feels great that you got to catch up. it would also feel great if she agreed to come back tomorrow. but if that happened, things would likely fall apart quickly.
think this through. develop a game plan.
That's the thing, I did 'sneak attack' her.
I saw via another app she posts in that she needed advise for something specific, that I have over a decade of professional experience in so I texted her a simple reminder 'hey I heard you need this. That is my bread and butter, if you want a second opinion or any suggestions let me know before you dump a ton of money/time into this project of yours'.
She responded and we chatted for 2 hours.
**update** she chatted with me for most of the afternoon/evening last night as well. Talked about work, how things were going for us in the past month. She plans to go back to work this weekend. She brought up her depression a few times so I told her to let out whatever she wanted.
She said she hit rock bottom, that when the weather starts getting nice she always starts acting up, that she had contemplated ending her life during a drunken coping fit. She said she wants to start eating better because she's been eating very little and always fast food since she's scared to go outside.
I asked her if she set up an appointment with a new therapist for when the apocalypse ends, she insisted she wants to 'get through it herself'
I let her know that she doesn't have to deal with all of this alone, no matter how big or small the help I'd be willing to try. She said she wants to be able to depend on herself. I reminded her that the thing I respected most of all about her was her success despite her struggles on her own, and that even at their best, most people can't succeed alone. To need or accept help during a bad time isn't a failing or something to be ashamed of, its just life.
She thanked me and said that she really needed that.
With any hope she'll take it to heart and she'll be able to start a good upswing. I won't try to push her, but I will be less afraid to send her a message every once in a while. Maybe some memes will cheer her up or something. I'll figure it out when I wake up in the afternoon.
