I feel like a horrible parent

[wth]

Every time we start getting close she starts accusing me of being the cause of her problems.  She takes a truth about our relationship when she was a teenager and wraps an entirely false story around it to make me sound horrible. She is now 34.  If I try to correct her she states I am lying. She has done this several times over the last fifteen years.  I just feel horrible and also very sad that this is her “truth.”  She will not get help

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Modesty68]

What I have read is that BPD mostly affect the closest, most personal relationships. So there we goes, parents. Isn't it also the case that our loved ones tend to see things black or white, and therefore hate us one day and love us the next day?
I also read in Valerie Porrs book that BPD affects the memories , and even can change memories. So there comes the accusations.
Maybe not so helpful, but I think what you say is reckognizable for everyone in this group. At least for me!

What I also struggle with is that my D won't get help. Has anyone good tips about what to do?

[Redhot]

I can relate to you in every way as a parent. In my experience even though its extremely hard, when it comes to her getting help she need to ask for it and realize its time to get help, than and only then can we as parents can help by encouraging it and supporting them 100%.

[livednlearned]

Every time we start getting close she starts accusing me of being the cause of her problems.  She takes a truth about our relationship when she was a teenager and wraps an entirely false story around it to make me sound horrible. She is now 34.  If I try to correct her she states I am lying. She has done this several times over the last fifteen years.  I just feel horrible and also very sad that this is her “truth.”  She will not get help

It is nothing sort of shocking to hear these distortions, and to hear them again and again can be bewildering. I have accepted that my BPD loved interprets things in such a different way.

People who struggle to regulate emotions do best with a combination "acceptance/change" approach (according to Martha Linehan, a BPD sufferer herself and founder of dialectical behavior therapy). I don't find the skills intuitive and had to spend a lot of time learning and practicing how to embody acceptance/change.

How is the rest of your relationship with D34? Are there stretches where you two can interact ok?