We can't take the flip flopping and abuse

[Alexamdra]

our daughter is 27 and had a gorgeous 30 month old son. We've been living with drama for 14 years. She's coming out of an abusive relationship with the baby's dad. I fear she's drinking again. We're paying for legal fees for custody and offered her to live with us if we get a 2nd home in AZ. We're living in MX. We've been paying $900/month for her to live in our US condo, she's been paying $500, all she can afford. We have a lease. We haven't had a US home because we can't afford that and another home. She's furious with us, said we always wrip the rug out from under her. We're semi-retired. She calls us names, apologizes and two days later does it again. Been to Alanon, and would continue to go if there was a group to go to. It's off season in MX and there's COVID isolation. I don't know how to help her without getting hurt myself. She hates the wonderful attorney she picked. I'm cancelling the custody case. We've spent thousands to help, and we have to stop. Are others going through this? Any reading or group resources? Thank you.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Swimmy55]

Welcome,
 Take a look around the website.  Yes, we are familiar with  shelling $$$$ to bail out adult children from legal/ financial troubles, getting our lent cars crashed up... the list is endless.  The first step here is to save ourselves and our assets when dealing with adult BPD kids.  There are some alanon groups that are on line if that helps.  Meanwhile, focus on where you'd like to start setting boundaries.  The hardest part for me was establishing boundaries where I can be strong enough to enforce them.  I think some of the grandparents here can chime in on navigating communication enough so as not to be cut off from the grandkids.
Please write back as you are able, know that you are not alone.