Beginning to look at options for our 16YO D with BPD, RAD

[okiefromOKC]

Beginning our search for RTC's for our 16 YO adopted daughter. Currently considering Sunrise and Timberline Knolls but still welcome input as to other options.  She has been in an outpatient program for six months and hasn't made it to the next level. Program had some schoolwork activities taught by local school district teachers but when Covid 19 hit that went away.  I've been trying to get her to do two subjects at home on computer but she is not cooperating.  So she is 16.5 and has not one HS credit. She spends 5 hours, 5 days/week at the program, sleeps 11+ hours per day, gets minimal exercise, not doing schoolwork, minimal household responsibilities with an attitude, only fair on hygiene, can't keep any kind of relationships so has no friends, etc. Her mother hates the idea of sending her for treatment but the stress she endures can't be anything but detrimental to her health.  Thanks for your suggestions.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[livednlearned]

We had a former member here whose daughter attended RTC that might be helpful:

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=120563.msg1188708#msg1188708

And there is this, too, with different threads about RTCs:

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=114267.msg12588412#msg12588412

Blaise Aguirre's book BPD in adolescence has a chapter on RTCs if I remember correctly.

I don't know that anyone loves the idea of sending a child away. Even so, being on the receiving end of frequent criticism or obstinance can lead to feelings of guilt, low self-esteem, possibly depression, whether the source is a child or not. And being so beaten down is not a place of strength for supporting a BPD child. Kids with BPD are special needs and even working toward tiny little changes requires strength.

It's probably also useful to think of the teen years as a grieving period. So much emphasis is on launching them into adulthood and having a child who isn't even on the highway, much less the slow lane, can feel like debilitating failure. Your wife may need her own counseling to help her heal some of the wounds she has likely endured.