Help with how to respond to email from BPD Child

[Gamma]

I need help with how to respond to an email I received from my BPD child. I so badly want to defend myself, but I know it will only make the situation worse. I feel damned if I do; damned if I don't no matter which avenue I choose. For the record my child hung up on me the last time we talked.

This is the email I received in response to mine below:

Hi R.,
I know that we're incommunicado right now, but I just want you to know that I have spent a lot of time thinking about what you said to me. As a result, I am actively seeking ways to learn about/acquire healthier communication skills so both parties can feel validated and heard. I think about you often and hope you are okay.
Love,
Mum

Hi Mum,
I'm glad to hear you're working on things but I'm unsettled by the way you're framing the issue and its solution.
Here is how I would describe the problem, which is a recurring pattern in our relationship.
1) You do or say something that hurts me either because it is directly transphobic or betrays an enormous amount of ignorance about the transphobic environment I grew up in—inside and outside of our home—and continue to face each day
2) Rather than listen to how your action hurt me, apologize directly and cleanly, and follow through on adopting different, more supportive behaviours, you do everything in your power to block me from speaking/defend against my "accusation," up to and including cutting off contact for long periods of time

This pattern—whatever its motivation—is emotionally abusive. No one should have to worry that saying, "hey, that thing you just did hurt me" will result in their family member cutting off contact for an extended period of time, and yet this has happened to me consistently in our interactions, to the extent that I know not to say when something hurts me unless I am prepared not to speak to you for several months, and potentially lose contact with you permanently.

I'm not sure exactly what you mean by learning to communicate in a way that "both parties can feel validated and heard," but it doesn't strike me as the answer here. I think what is needed, for starters, is for you to educate yourself on the wide array of structural transphobia that exists in the world today and on what it takes to be an ally to a trans person.

Then I think you need to ask yourself/explore what is causing you to shut down and cut me off in these situations rather than getting curious, hearing me out, apologizing meaningfully, and repairing the harm. This process, done well and with the right background understanding, can happen in a 10-minute conversation. It is not supposed to be a big catastrophic deal.

I hope this makes sense. I am being blunt and repeating this in writing because I fear the words I've said out loud to you have gotten somehow confused or misconstrued.
Love,
R.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[TM3]

Hi Gamma,
I'm very new here and a bit anxious about posting, but my family has a lot of lived experiences with gender identity and the feelings that can accompany that. I can take a shot at providing if you’d like. I guess first though I need to ask what you’re seeking. I could see either;
ways to address your child’s concerns,
ways to explain your previous or current communications,
information on transphobia.
Do any of those sound helpful for you?
Kindly,
TM

[formflier]

I need help with how to respond to an email I received from my BPD child. I so badly want to defend myself, but I know it will only make the situation worse. 

This is very wise insight.  Can you tell us more about what you have learned that brought you to this conclusion?

Is your child open to conversations that involve you listening and understanding, without action on your part (joining groups, making specific posts on social media)?

I go a boundary alert when I was reading that.  She not only wants to control her life, but yours as well.

You know...these are important issues that deserve a lot of thought and understanding.  Is your daughter open to this as a first step?

Best,

FF

[Gamma]

Thank you TM and FF for responding to my post. I really need that support right now as I feel alone with this for me very difficult situation. It feels like a wrong "move" on my part could easily be the end of the relationship with my child, which I don't want.

FF -   A counsellor suggested that my child may have BPD and I have after some consideration read Stop Walking On Eggshells and The Essential Family Guide to BPD. That is how I know about projection and the futility of explaining/defending myself.

- With regards to me offering to listen and understand, I have asked for that, but the response I get is that trans people are too vulnerable and tired of repeatedly having to explain themselves to family and friends. It is up to me to inform myself about trans issues and then advocate for them. Incidentally, I have joined P-Flag - an advocacy group for the LGBTQ+ community.

- I'm relieved that you also feel that a boundary is needed. My problem is how to go about it because the kick-back will be huge. My child is willing to sacrifice relationships to prove a point. Their dad and boyfriend of 5 years are casualties along with numerous friends along the way.

- I fully agree that these are hugely important issues and thought and understanding are of paramount importance. I'm worried that my child's need to exercise control over me overrides any other way forward.

TM - Thank you for deciding to respond to my post. I really appreciate your offer for support. I am looking for ways to address my child's concerns and be supportive, but without sacrificing my personal integrity. I am also interested in learning more about transphobia as I'm aware that I'm a product of my environment and, while I don't think of myself as transphobic, I likely have many "blind spots".

[formflier]

To be clear, there are two separate things.

1.  The boundary.
2.  How you communicate it

There is also communication that "kicks the can down the road".

1.  So..your values dictate what you advocate for.  Perhaps you will one day "advocate" for (fill in the blank).  That you are not advocating for that now (and what does that even mean..advocate for?) means you are giving it serious thought and consideration.


If others want to claim that your lack of "advocation" means you don't love them...you realize that's a fruitless conversation.

If she takes it to the "threat level"  advocate for me or else?  Again..that's her choice, not yours.  Please don't try to control her. (and yes I understand how painful this threat would be to hear)

2.  There is a chance that he she starts demanding to know about your advocation that you can assure her you are doing it and that it's important enough to you that you reserve that issue for in person conversations.  Invite her to go with you to your group.  Sort of as an aside..perhaps mention there is so much "judgmentalism" surrounding the trans issue, you find it tiring..much like she finds explaining herself tiring.

Yeah...see how that works, without accusing her of being judgmental, you just agreed with her and let her deal with consequences of her "stance". 

How often do you guys communicate? 

Best,

FF

[Gamma]

Thank you, FF, for the time and effort you're putting into helping me. I can't tell you how much I appreciate your perspective. It helps me from opting for quick (though temporary) relief from guilt by trying to absolve myself by apologizing for all my shortcomings and agreeing to whatever they want. I know that my child views my "time out" as a rejection, but I agree with you that serious thought and consideration are paramount here. Presently I'm partial to the idea of "kicking the can down the road".

The frequency of our communication has varied over the years with how upset they are with me. Before this situation, we had a relative period of calm where we communicated ca. once per week. (They live on the other side of the country.) On good days we even texted about inane things. I will say though that there was always the feeling of a dark cloud in the horizon and I never fully felt comfortable letting down my guard.

Warm regards,

Gamma

[incadove]

Hi Gamma

Yes, this does sound like a sensitive moment, glad you could take some time to respond - I suppose you let your child know you are thinking about your response? 

It sounds like one key request your child is making is for continuity of communication.  I wonder if its possible to be clear to them about what would help you in terms of keeping communication open, perhaps something around - ask each other if open to hearing what is hurting, like ask permission before laying things on each other, and then you would keep in touch more frequently if you have the ability to express when the communication is hurting *you* and want to pause, then you would not cut off contact, or would not do it over a small number of days?  I don't know if this is useful.  I do a lot of meta discussions with my dd's and I set whatever boundaries I need to, for myself. 

[Gamma]

Hi Incadove,
Thank you for sharing your perspective. I get so overwhelmed when I receive this type of response from my CD that I don't always see the obvious. It is an idea worth trying although I am unsure of how it will be received. They are often angry with me and talk over me when I make suggestions of any kind. And, yes, I did let them know that I would take some time to consider their response to me.

[Sillyusername]

Hi this child hasn’t got a diagnosis?

The one email you’ve shared infers they are going through some heavy stuff re gender and they’ve been Cut off by you? Have I got that correct?

The response from them doesn’t seem out of order. They are communicating without being abusive. Your email however seems very clinical - saying all parties etc instead of more natural things like you and me.

I realise this is just a snapshot but it really doesn’t seem unusual  that they don’t feel understood. Is there anyway you could ask to read material that might help you understand the gender issues etc. I confess I don’t have a clue either and wouldn’t know where to start.

I’m simply not seeing anything BPD in that email. Perhaps family counselling could help? It sounds like they might be up for that.

[Sillyusername]

It sounds like your child wants you to apologize for unintentionally hurting them - that’s not unreasonable. It’s not about being right or wrong. It was unintentional hurt.

This is gender identity stuff - Not necessarily bpd and no therapist should be divulging their suspicions to a parent without permission or an assessment by a psychiatrist.

Plus your child says they can’t talk to you without you cutting them off for months and making a big drama? Usually it’s the pwbpd doing that behaviour. Am I missing something?

[Gamma]

Hi Sillyusername,
Thank you for taking the time to read my post and give feedback. It helps me to be less reactive and more objective. My child does not have an official diagnosis and it wasn't until my other child's therapist also suggested possible BPD that I started considering it. When going over the check list for BPD in Stop Walking On Eggshells, I found myself checking off almost every single point. I realize my post doesn't give the back story - my first post Taking My Life Back Hopefully gives a bit more background, but, of course, there is much, much more. If my child does have BPD, they are in the higher functioning category. I agree that it is possible that gender issues could also be at the root of our relationship problems and the many issues they have in the medical system and work place. For the record, I don't cut off communication; they are the one to hang up on me or to say they can only communicate through text. I do ask for think time to consider "heavy" conversations before I respond. I also do not tend to cut them off in conversation; it's the other way around where they interrupt and talk over me. I am certainly open to family counselling and can suggest it. Thanks again for giving me pause for thought.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[kells76]

Hi Gamma, welcome to the community!

Sounds like there's a lot going on in your family. I'm reaching out to you as stepmom to two; our oldest (SD14) told us last year that she feels like/is a boy; this year she shared that she feels gender fluid. Briefly, where our family is at is that we encourage SD14 to share with whomever she wants whatever pronouns or feelings she wants them to know, without my husband or I being judgmental. We are a unique family and SD14 and I have had the conversation that if someone from outside our family is confused about how we talk about each other, that's their problem, not ours. Anyway, nutshell version.

So, we are walking a similar path in learning to care for a child or stepchild who is sharing issues and concerns about gender and identity with us. I am guessing that your child is an adult child...? Also, neither kid has any sort of PD diagnosis, while it sounds like yours does [oops, cross posted with you, just learned it's "uBPD" -- that is, undiagnosed, though many traits]?

What's your take on how communication went in the family when your child was younger? How do you think your kid would describe things?

That being said, in every conversation there's not only WHAT is being talked about -- the content -- but there's HOW things get talked about -- the structure. No matter how low or high intensity the content, having a good structure can make things better (or, like we say here, "not make it worse!"). With issues that are so important to a person's sense of self (gender, sexuality, religion, spirituality, etc), the content sometimes "superheats" things, and makes it tough for us to remember to keep a healthy STRUCTURE of conversation.

We can talk you through some ideas for things you can do on your end to make communication better. This isn't saying "it's your fault things aren't going well" and it's not saying "your child needs to get fixed by your improved communication". This isn't about blame or finger pointing. You love your kid and clearly your kid wants to stay in touch with you -- what a great start! There are some basic acronyms that we can remember to help us keep conversations focused on that love and that desire to stay in touch.

For example, have you heard of "JADE"? It's an acronym for postures to avoid in conversations -- basically, conversation/closeness killers. Justification, Arguing, Defending, and Explanation will put up walls between people. In fact, you had a great insight earlier:

I so badly want to defend myself, but I know it will only make the situation worse.

So you are on to something. You're already wanting to make things better by not Defending. Good job!

There's also SET: Support, Empathy, Truth. This can help when we reach a point of needing to communicate what we can or can't do for/with someone else. An example might be "Great Aunt Jo, I'm so glad I can be here caring for you and listening to you. It must be scary to feel like everyone has forgotten about you here at the nursing home. I can come see you on Fridays at 3pm."

That would be for a situation like an elderly relative complaining that nobody cares, she was left to die, you'll just abandon her, why can't you see her every day, etc. The "Support" is that you care for her and like to listen to her. The "Empathy" is that anyone would feel scared if she felt alone and forgotten. The "Truth" is that while you can't spend every day with her (but don't say that), you can do what you can do -- which is once a week.

So... those are some helps for conversation structure.

Sillyusername raises an interesting question:

Plus your child says they can’t talk to you without you cutting them off for months and making a big drama? Usually it’s the pwbpd doing that behaviour. Am I missing something?

SUN, this is tricky without knowing more. One way that I could put this together is that pwBPD are often insightful that "something unhealthy" is going on, and bright and adept at pointing it out or noticing it. The way pwBPD struggle is in taking responsibility if they have "done the unhealthy thing". So, projection can be a way of dealing with reality: "I notice that there is something unhealthy going on... but I can't face the fact that I was the one cutting people off and making drama. It's still real, though, so someone else must have done it".

That's a way that sense could be made of Gamma's kiddo's statement.

Another way of making sense of it could be "When Mom doesn't talk with me, I feel like I've been cut off for months, and it feels dramatic to me". Again, a person could be expressing their inner feelings through a statement like that. They truly feel that way.

Like I said, there's a lot I don't know about the situation, so as I learn more about Gamma's life and family, I may certainly have another or different insight into your question. This is a place for learning!

I feel like we're about to have a good discussion on validation... but I have to work instead  I really hope this helps as we think about how , not only what, we communicate with loved ones.

Warmly;

kells76 (from over on Family Law)

[Gamma]

Hi Kells76,
Thank you so much for sharing your own situation and your knowledge about both gender issues and BPD. It is very helpful to me. You sound like a wonderfully supportive family to SD14. My child is a lot older (36) and grew up in a different era. Her dad and I were not at all attuned to her gender identity explorations. In hindsight I can see that they may not have identified as a girl at school age, but back then I just chalked it up to not being a girly-girl. They have since told me that they had a mad crush on a playmate of theirs and the tears they shed when said girl moved away were because of a broken heart. My child has told me how difficult it was for them to not be able to talk about gender identity with us for fear of us not supporting them. They have also told me how hurtful it was when her crush’s family wanted to perform an exorcism on them because of their “unnatural” love for their daughter and I didn’t step in to protect them. I don’t recall me knowing about this, but it is possible that I have repressed it. My child did very well academically but struggled socially all through school. I was aware of them having a crush on a girl in high school, but I didn’t feel comfortable talking to them about it. I can see how my child felt completely alone with her gender identity struggles and that they had good reason to fear rejection from their family as we had basically ignored all the signals, they gave us. Thinking back, they may have sought our approval by dating men, some of whom we got to meet. They hinted at liking women, but again we didn’t ask any questions. Hindsight is always 20-20 and I wish I had done things differently. I have grown with the times and am much more comfortable talking about gender and sexuality now. That being said, I recognize that I need to continue expanding my horizons in those areas.

What you said about the structure of a conversation being very important is helping me in forming a response. I definitely want to improve communication between us – or, as you said, not make it worse. The acronyms JADE and SET are really handy – they are like a kind of spell check I can apply to my response. Thank you for that.
It was also very helpful to read your take on when my child accuses me of making a big drama and cutting them off for months when they try to talk to me. In fact, it is always them that hang up on me and say they can’t talk to me because I cause them so much hurt and pain. I don’t recognize myself in how they portray me so the projection suggestion makes sense. They are very domineering and monopolize most conversations. Many would describe them as confident.  I have been thinking that one explanation for the behaviour is that they are hyper sensitive and the rejection they felt from their peers back when cut to the core and made them feel powerless. When they came home, they felt a great need to control someone/something and basically bossed the rest of the family around. Their dad had endless fights with them and accused them of being manipulative and controlling. Dad was reactive and did not have the required skills to handle the situation. He left the family in part because of it.  Younger sister also felt bullied and spent most of her time in her room to get away from the constant squabbling. She harbours a lot of anger and resentment against her sibling to this day, which doesn’t help matters. I was for ever trying to put out fires and appease everyone. God it sounds so dysfunctional writing it out like this. How did I not see this? I strongly suspect there is a genetic factor as well. One uncle has schizophrenia and another is uBPD.
Thanks again for the opportunity to air my problems and for the opportunity to learn.
Kind regards,
Gamma

[kells76]

You sound like a wonderfully supportive family to SD14.

Oh man, it's been a challenge. It's not all sunshine and hugs, just so you know. DH and I do deal with some real fears that as we maintain our integrity and personal values, it may push the kids away. Basically I just don't want you to feel like "Oh, I'm the only one struggling with dealing with this, all these other people really have it down" -- because we don't, it's a day at a time kind of thing. Some days and conversations are really great and we make a lot of progress and have a lot of understanding; other days, I just don't have what it takes.

My child has told me how difficult it was for them to not be able to talk about gender identity with us for fear of us not supporting them.

That sounds like an expected/"normal" fear. It's interesting -- for all the times when SD14 used to tell DH "You're not my family" and for all the times now when she tells us how her stepdad is the most important person in her life (long dramatic backstory, FYI, for another time), she still tells DH that she wants him to be proud of her. Kids do want their parents' acceptance and approval.

Remember how we talked about JADE and SET? Well, there's another tool that can help in these kinds of conversations, and it sounds like it could be really helpful with all the things you mentioned your child telling you about past experiences.

So... validation. Validation doesn't mean "I support every decision you make unquestioningly", or "I agree that if you feel that I was cruel, I definitely was", or "whatever you're doing right now is good and right, no questions asked". Validation doesn't mean "If you feel like it's true, then I will agree with you that it is true".

It's more subtle and more reality-grounded than that.

Validation is about recognizing that how someone feels is truly how they feel -- if that makes sense -- and empathizing that if you thought X, you would probably feel Y, too.

Remember that example about Great Aunt Jo, and how she was saying "you left me in the nursing home to die, nobody ever visits me, I need you here every day"? What if we did some validation with that? In fact, we might have validated in the middle of our SET response: "I would feel scared, too, if I thought I had been forgotten". Another validation response might be "Anybody would feel alone here in these strange times".

It's not about convincing her that she "shouldn't" feel that way, or that "it's not reasonable" to feel that way, or "don't be silly -- nobody is abandoning you". It's recognizing that what's true is that she feels that way. This is subtly different from communicating "if you feel that way, then it's true".

Difference:
True validation: "You truly feel that way right now"
Not validation: "You feel that way, so it's true" (this might be called "validating the invalid" -- let's not do that!)

As I read your first paragraph in your most recent post, so many of the things your kiddo said sounded like "targets for validation" -- statements or assertions where you can come alongside and say "That sounds like that was so painful for you", or "Losing someone we love is heartbreaking", or "I wonder if you felt alone and like there was nobody to talk with". (Some of those may sound stilted or unnatural -- a key part of validation is having it be real, stuff we'd really say. Takes practice -- I know). You don't have to agree that "That's how it truly was". What you're noticing is "That is truly how you felt".

Again... none of this is saying "Come on, Gamma, get with it... you're really the problem here". NO! That's not it at all. Mostly it's saying "Hey, you're a loving mom who is running into some communication hurdles... let's come along side you and care for you and share some things we've learned". I truly hope you don't experience "getting piled on" here.

So, second paragraph:

I don’t recognize myself in how they portray me so the projection suggestion makes sense.

That reminds me of how DH's xW (the kids' mom) acts -- she's uBPD (undiagnosed), though has MANY traits that make it "as if" she were. And hey, who knows, maybe if she stuck with a counselor long enough, she'd get a diagnosis. But labels aren't the issue, behaviors are, and that's why we're here.

I too don't recognize DH in her implications, hints, blame, vicious emails, etc. But I recognize HER.

They are very domineering and monopolize most conversations. Many would describe them as confident

110%. I can relate very much. DH's xW has a kind of "charisma" or "magnetism" where people think she's all that and more -- so amazing, stunning, brave, artistic, etc. But if you really LISTEN to her... it's all about HER. All about how wonderful she is, how problems aren't her fault, she takes all the credit for anything good about the kids but none of the responsibility for any of the downs... infinitely skilled in deflecting criticism or responsibility. Yes, comes across as "confident", though again, over time, if you really LISTEN, it's a brittle and fragile front.

God it sounds so dysfunctional writing it out like this. How did I not see this? I strongly suspect there is a genetic factor as well. One uncle has schizophrenia and another is uBPD.

One phrase that has stuck with me, that I learned from lurking on this board (the "Child w/ BPD" board) is from Harri, I think: "When we know better, we do better." I also have days where I feel like "If only I had better skills right when DH and I got together, maybe I could have stopped so much of the pain, conflict, dysfunction..." I get that it's hard when you start to see the dysfunction NOW, and then you reflect back on THEN.

Another phrase that I learned here was (though this sounds "harsh"): "That was then, this is now". Basically what it's getting at is "rehashing who hurt whom in the past is not helping us today. How can we focus on today and making today a positive day with good communication".

pwBPD are, I suspect, traumatically bound to the past. It's like they can't healthily process "what happened" and instead get some kind of... IDK what, but they "get something" from holding on to past hurts. So, it's very expected with pwBPD that trying to "get resolution" about "what actually happened" is really, really unproductive, and they start to just blame and fingerpoint. It doesn't go anywhere and there is no resolution.

Validation might help if "the past" comes up: "You must have felt so alone", "It's so clear from what you're saying that you felt scared and unheard", etc. Though, if you start to get a sense that things are turning towards blame, fingerpointing, no resolution... it might be time to transition to SET: "Honey, hearing how you feel means so much to me. Anyone would feel pain and loss in that situation. I'm going to take care of myself by taking a walk so that later tonight I can be at my best to hear you again". SET can help us excuse ourselves from "spiral" situations without making things worse.

Gamma, it's not surprising to me that your kiddo is making some "demands" or at least "rigid requests" of you about "how things need to go". That can be a BPD-type trait, and we've dealt with it with DH's xW. "Black and white thinking" is a fairly typical BPD-type trait: "It's my way or the highway, and if you don't do it my way, you don't TRULY care".

A key skill to have is to validate the valid, not the invalid (like we chatted about above). How can we ground ourselves, and calm ourselves, to see what in the "rigid requests" CAN be validated, and what is an inappropriate demand or dictatorial edict. Again, this could be a "content versus structure" distinction -- there may be a lot in the content of your child's email that you can care about and validate, though the structure of the email may not be appropriate: "you need to do this, you need to do that, I don't need to do anything different". I guess if it were me, I wouldn't try to "get the other person to see" that how they're communicating throws up a roadblock. Believe me, if it worked, I'd be a million dollar consultant right now. I'd just work really hard on my own style, modeling healthy conversation structure, and trying to validate whatever is valid.

I really hope you feel supported and included here, and we look forward to hearing more from you!

kells76

[formflier]

Awesome post kells76!

  I guess if it were me, I wouldn't try to "get the other person to see" that how they're communicating throws up a roadblock. Believe me, if it worked, I'd be a million dollar consultant right now. I'd just work really hard on my own style, modeling healthy conversation structure, and trying to validate whatever is valid.

"Getting the other person to see..." has been largely futile for me as well and it's also so tempting to still "go there"

Yes it's critical that you do actually understand how what "they are doing" is unhealthy/not helpful, it's critical to understand the likely reasons they are doing it and you will have to find ways to manage your own disappointment at not being able to share this knowledge with them.  (at least explicitly)

Best,

FF

[Gamma]

Dear Kells76,
Thanks again for taking the time to really understand my situation based on the bare bones information that I have provided and to share your valuable insight with me. Your suggestions for how to structure healthy conversations are extremely helpful and I now feel emboldened to craft a response that hopefully will form the basis for more fruitful future communication – or, as you say, at least not make it worse. I have printed off both your responses and it is my bedtime reading as I recognize the need to thoroughly digest and internalize this new information in order not to revert back to ingrained behaviours.
I wish you well in your journey forward and hope to connect with you again.
Gamma

[Done-er Stepdad]

It sounds like you can't win for losing.

Trans people deserve basic respect due to all people and freedom from persecution. Period.

It is not reasonable or healthy for you to submit to endless Maoist self-criticism sessions in which the goal posts will certainly shift and a new pile of thought crimes will always be uncovered.

I had a similar run around with my stepdaughter over her wholly feigned christian faith. Her conveniently vague "discomfort" over my different beliefs was just a coward/bully's game to have me perform and jump thru hoops for her.

It's a big mean ol' world out there, mostly full of people who will NOT be contorting themselves to please your child. In fact, your good faith efforts represent a high water mark that will probably never be equaled again in that person's (gender neutral there) entire life.

You deserve gratitude, not further atonement for trumped up sins. You have done your absolute best, at great cost to yourself. That will just have to do.

[formflier]

  to have me perform and jump thru hoops for her.

 In fact, your good faith efforts represent a high water mark that will probably never be equaled again in that person's (gender neutral there) entire life.
 

These are very important points to remember, and also not points to try and convince your pwBPD of.


People (regardless of  adjectives) should be "accepted", many demand they be "agreed with"...and that's just not in the cards..that's not life.

Trying to do that would be (IMO) "validating the invalid".

Best,

FF

[Gamma]

Thank you for everyone’s input. This is a very challenging situation and my mind is working overtime trying to process and file all the information it’s receiving – but I also sense an opportunity for growth and possible transcendence. It's good to be here!