Autism assessment - do I pursue this?

[TM3]

TW: hospitals, stigma, crappy care, self harm, suicidal ideation, initial diagnosis
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TL:DR, autism or BPD, or both? Do they get misdiagnosed, and is there any clear signs one way of the other? I don’t know whether to continue helping my young adult daughter to organise an autism assessment.
Hi, thank you for accepting my request. My daughter (19yo) has been in hospital since Easter Monday, first a private clinic, then they placed her under the Mental Health Act and ambulance transferred her to a public hospital. My younger daughter and myself are autistic, my 19yo and I have ADHD. My 19yo was referred fro autism assessment when she was 16 but she did not want to do it, she said that she was not like her younger sister, and therefore not autistic. At the start of this year she was in ED for being at risk, and they mentioned autism assessment. She agreed, but the first psychiatrist she was referred to decline the referral.
The psychiatrist at the private hospital told her the first time he met her that he thought she had BPD. I think because she’s a young female who self harms and was suicidal? I didn’t get to see him for quite a few weeks, she asked for a family meeting so I could ask him about the possible roles adhd or autism could be playing. He was not interested. He never answered me, even after 9 weeks if her BPD was a provisional diagnosis, and if we should also consider autism. The public hospital psychiatrists simply followed his discharge notes and assumed BPD.
I have most of the paperwork to go through with the free autism assessment through our state body. I’m scared I’m making things harder for her by further facilitating this. Does it make it harder for her to accept BPD? Reading about BPD, it does seem a pretty solid fit. But a lot of those also fit autism. Does anyone know if there are markers that would be clearly one or the other? Or age related signs, like things she has had since early childhood?
I will of course keep helping her follow this question if she asks me to, but she also isn’t so interested right now because she doesn’t intend to stay alive if they discharge her as planned, mid this week.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Swimmy55]

Hi
I think one of the issues here is your daughter is an adult, therefore the professionals will not discuss her diagnosis with you due to confidentiality and HIPPA laws.  Your daughter will have to pursue this  unless you have a conservatorship over your daughter.   Or unless your daughter gives you permission to talk to the docs. A psychiatrist would be the only one to distinguish between autism and BPD.  It is also quite possible she could have both. 
I am sorry if I didn't get this from your email- she got transferred to a public hospital, correct? I agree that it is disgusting with how fast a mental health patient is released.  The immediate crisis is mitigated and out they go.

You mentioned she is being released with suicidal ideation ?  Here is some reading that may help. https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=79032.0
 One thing to do if at all possible is to keep the lines of communication open with her and ask her outright if she has a plan in place to commit suicide? Don't be afraid to ask this of her. Please keep in touch.