My adult child has estranged herself from me

[mommabear399]

My adult daughter says I trigger her and her life is unmanageable when I’m in it so she wants nothing to do with me. I’ve accepted that. I know I’m powerless. She seems to be functioning well at work and in her life and I am grateful for that. I don’t want to disrupt that or cause her pain. Due to her rages she’s lost all her school girl friends, boyfriends and her brother hasn’t spoken to her in almost 3 years. She has estranged herself from me and my family of origin (we’re a close family).  It’s been a year. She’s attached herself to my ex boyfriend and idolizes him, his wife and her children. They are wonderful people, we’re all friends and I am so grateful they’re there for her. Bottom line is that I am heartbroken and would like to hear from others that have been through the same.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Swimmy55]

Hi and Welcome.  The emotional fall out is very difficult to deal with.  In this situation, keep your eyes on the prize and the greater good in that she is functioning.  That is a huge blessing.   It appears to me you are doing the right thing by giving her space.  The issue is to try to make peace with the situation as it is.  I am saying this for me as for you- you have to be your own champion, caretaker.  All the energy  and attention you would have given her, you have to give to yourself. 
You can click onto my name ( or any one's name here) to get our backstories.  Briefly, my adult son is estranged from me.  His last contact to me was about a month ago when he texted a whole diatribe against me since I refused to cash app him $1.  ( He also has severe substance abuse issues).  So I have to take that energy that I have worrying about him and transform it into something positive for me.  It has been very difficult .  I did / am in process of cultivating new hobbies that sometime captivate my thinking for an hour or two where I am not thinking about my son.  I also have to add that I have my own personal therapist as well . 

Be gentle and patient with yourself and write here as often as you need.   Rebuilding ourselves / our lives takes massive amounts of energy .  Start thinking about things you have always wanted to do but couldn't/ didn't..  Put the focus back on you, because you are allowed.