I have to figure this out.

[Seat2]

My daughter was diagnosed with BPD about a year and a half ago, but started trying to kill herself when she was 16. She's 21 now. A lot of the time she is conversational and pleasant. But a couple times a week, I feel like she decides she's going to take me apart. She will have a crisis (like losing her own keys - again), and it becomes my issue. I'm not allowed to help her look for them physically (her privacy), but I am on the hook to give her ideas of where to look until I finally sneak away and escape to a downstairs office or other hiding place. When she's upset about friendships, she doesn't just want to talk. She wants to make sure that I know what a failure I am as a support to her. I have begun to dread her presence. We've paid for some college, helped her get a car, not given her random money - but I have come to dread that certain tone when I become the subject of her dissatisfaction with life.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Sancho]

I know that feeling of dread. I am constantly on edge that the mood will change and some tiny thing I say or do will set off a tirade against me. One thing that I do is that immediately the accusatory tone starts, I take a step back by not responding unless it is a direct question. I don't respond to statements. It is hard to do some times, but the only way to keep going I think is to have a plan and stick to it. The other thing I am getting better at is turning my mind to something else. Somehow my BPD has absorbed my attention so that she can consume my whole life - if I let her. But making sure my mind is on something else until I have to interact with her or deal with something is very helpful for me.