I do not know where to start

[Parents! Get help here!]

My 24 yr old daughter has BPD.  We was diagnosed 2 years ago.  She has been very active in her treatment working hard to understand herself and what to do and there have been episodes.  She graduate from college last year is not in a Nursing program but it has really gotten more intense since the Coronavirus hit. More drinking, back to financial irresponsibity.  She lives alone and has some friends, but maybe not the best influences.    I am trying to learn the tools I need to set limits, support her with out me feeling and her feeling we are abandoning her but I am overwhelmed and do not what the 'right' thing to do is or what is the 'right' thing to say.  I just read Supporting a Child in Therapy BPD, some of those stories are spot on.  I am reading Stop Walking on Egg Shells.

Any advise, suggestions, practices anything would be much appreciated.

Thank you
AmstersMom

[AmstersMom]

My 24 yr old daughter has BPD.  We was diagnosed 2 years ago.  She has been very active in her treatment working hard to understand herself and what to do and there have been episodes.  She graduate from college last year is not in a Nursing program but it has really gotten more intense since the Coronavirus hit. More drinking, back to financial irresponsibity.  She lives alone and has some friends, but maybe not the best influences.    I am trying to learn the tools I need to set limits, support her with out me feeling and her feeling we are abandoning her but I am overwhelmed and do not what the 'right' thing to do is or what is the 'right' thing to say.  I just read Supporting a Child in Therapy BPD, some of those stories are spot on.  I am reading Stop Walking on Egg Shells.

Any advise, suggestions, practices anything would be much appreciated.

Thank you
AmstersMom

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Football2000]

You're reading some good books and that is a start. My advice when reading the "Stop Walking on Eggshells" book is to pay attention to the conversation techniques it gives and actually write them down, with examples from your own life that you can remember.

Although lots of them make sense, employing these techniques is not really intuitive all the time, and it's easy to slip up. However, sometimes "saying the wrong thing" is inevitable, and whatever you say is "wrong" according to the person with borderline symptoms, so don't be hard on yourself. Maybe even have a person you trust practice with you with the techniques you write down.

[zachira]

You have come to the right place and are doing everything you can to help your daughter with BPD. It is very positive that your daughter is working hard in treatment for how she will fare in the present and the future. I am coming from this at a different angle, having many relatives with BPD in both my immediate and extended family. For me, the hardest part has always been dealing with all the uncertainties, and never knowing when my family members with BPD will suddenly act badly, no matter what boundaries I have set or what tools I use. The challenge is to not let the moments in which we feel so overwhelmed affect us with such intensity or for so long. It is heartbreaking for a parent to see their child suffer with BPD. Your daughter is lucky that you are doing everything you can to help her. There are many parents on this site who have similar experiences to yours with a child with BPD, and are here to support you.  

[wendydarling]

Hello AmstersMom and welcome  

Your story sounds familiar, though of course different as all our situations are.

Hold on tight to this.

She has been very active in her treatment working hard to understand herself and what to do and there have been episodes.

My experience has been and if you read others in treatment there are times when the shoe drops, it's par for the course towards recovery, the important part is she knows you are gently walking this path with her. I've held my breath many times and being here everyday for support and learning pulled me through, my DD too.

What treatment is your DD receiving, DBT?

So glad you found us.  

WDx

[wendydarling]

Reading Loving someone with BPD, Shari Manning early on really helped my understanding how I could actively help my daughter and many of the skills taught here. x

[AmstersMom]

Thank you.  This really helps.  She is seeing a DBT psychologist and also a psychiatrist.  We are on an upswing today, who know what tomorrow will bring.