College

[Ramē]

Hi, 

This is my first post. I am reading a very awesome book right now that gave this site as a reference. Just reading the book helped me feel not so alone. I am really looking forward to having support from people who understand the things that I have been going through. So many people do not understand. Even my husband. He doesn’t believe in any mental health aspect of this disorder. We have fought so bad over her. I feel like my life, my relationship with my daughter, my marriage, have been falling apart. We have had thousands of dollars in medical costs Financial loss from bad choices.

My first and time sensitive question is, how do I send my 17 year old daughter to college when I don’t know if she is well enough to go? I don’t know that I could trust that she is prepared to go without falling on her face, getting into trouble, wasting more of our money,...

I am supposed to take her in 8 days to a college that is 3 1/2 hours away..

And with COVID I don’t know if the college will close in the next weeks. She needs stability in a world that feels so unstable right now.

She’s had trauma her junior year of high school and was moved to another state for a fresh start. We’ve been in counseling for months. She had two attempts. It completely changed my parenting and I lost control of boundaries. I learned she has been manipulating me (and others) either consciously or unconsciously to get her way. I don’t know how it got to this

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Swimmy55]

Hi Rame, Welcome,
In my case, it was a group decision between my son, his therapists ( at the time) and me.   This is going to be a semester at a time thing for you.  Even a week to week/ day to day  thing , and there are no guarantees unfortunately. The son really wanted to go so  I took a chance with him and he did manage to graduate, but it was 5 years full of ER visits, explosive episodes, one semester of academic probation, him taking off another semester for medical leave, etc etc. He lived on campus about 2.5 hrs away.  On top of all of this he decided early on he no longer needed therapy and since he was over 18 , nothing I could do about that. 
This also has to do with your values and your financial situation as well.  Can you / are you ok with paying for / helping to pay for her schooling / room and board?    Would you be ok with it even if it turns out she may not finish?  No judgments here , just some stuff to keep in mind.   Also know that if you both decide she goes to school, you have to be flexible and let go of some expectations ( she may well have rough semester(s).  She may well not have a straight A average.  )  Keep in mind  "normal" kids sometimes don't make it through college either.  I also would like to add, don't let fear rule you.