BPD

[Dawn22]

I am the one diagnosed with BPD. I am looking for ways to help myself. I currently live with my daughter who also has BPD. We are clashing. I try to use the I am and other I statements.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Harri]

Hi Dawn22

It is great you are reaching out for help.   

Can you tell us more about the struggles you are having with your daughter?  What sort of behaviors is she exhibiting?  Has she been diagnosed with BPD?

How about you?  Are you in therapy?  I am concerned as sometimes people with BPD (pwBPD) can get triggered when reading and posting on this site as it is meant as support to those who are in a relationship with a pwBPD.   We can support you as you try to navigate your way to a better relationship with your daughter.  Things can get better over time.   

Sorry for all of the questions.  I am trying to get a better handle on your situation so we can best guide you.   

[PearlsBefore]

It's not clear how old your daughter is, but one of the best pieces of advice in preventing the blow-ups in the first place is to remember that everyone gets frustrated (and with BPDs, that might become a volcanic rage) if there's a disagreement and they feel like the other person didn't even understand their position and just made a bad rule nonetheless.

So a good trick, even if you're going to ultimately decide that you are NOT going to drive her to that thing tonight, is to first prove that you understand what she's been saying; "I understand that this is Jenny's birthday and that you told her this afternoon that you'd attend, and I really sympathise with how you explained that she's going to unfairly feel like you flaked out on her because I've seen that happen to me sometimes. I'm really sorry, because I know you're offering to pay for the gas, but the fact is I just can't...".

They won't be happy that they lost the argument, but they'll hopefully feel much more validated (and thus more peaceful, and less likely to push YOUR buttons where you are also struggling with BPD) if you can remember that even when laying down the law...explain to them that you understand their position and you're sympathetic, you really are.