Welcome Ashbashmom,
Parenting can be difficult; parenting a BPD child is unbelievably difficult and at times feels impossible. The emotional roller coaster is indeed exhausting. I think most of us parents here have experienced a range of emotions from love and empathy to hatred and resentment, maybe all of them in one day! I know I have with our BPD26dd.
How do you all deal with this?
I make my own mental, emotional and physical health a priority. I am a better parent when I take care of myself.
I've learned to lower my expectations. She is not her older brother, who in many ways is her opposite. She is governed by a nervous system that can spin out of control at any time, leaving us reeling. I do my best not to escalate the situation by defending myself or her Dad, even though it would be totally justified. Unfair? Yes. But most people with BPD cannot handle the truth about their behavior; it's too painful. So I stay neutral, and avoid the big hurricanes. I remove myself if necessary. I try to be grateful for the times we connect that feel "normal".
I've learned that she needs a
lot of positive feedback for her tiniest of achievements. It really makes a difference. People with BPD fear abandonment; if I comment on her achievements she feels more secure and better about herself. We have been to hell and back with her; physical/verbal violence, destruction, police, hospitalizations, substance abuse, rehab, etc. I'm hoping the worst is behind us. I had to make the biggest changes in my attitude toward her and in taking care of myself.
This forum has a ton of helpful information available to us. Cruise around, read other people's stories, etc. Keep posting; you are not alone. WW
