Has Anyone Finally Given Up? Walked away from adult BPD?

[Pomsie]

Has anyone finally given up on an adult child who doesn't care and has caused years of misery? I am getting older. My health isnt great. Every-time there is stress I am exhausted for days. My 33 yo is getting more narcissistic traits on top of her BPD. She doesn't care about me. She always “too busy” to visit but has time for everyone else. And she is sitting home unemployed.

I want to just stop trying to have a relationship with her. After 15 years I have had it. Nothing ever changes and I cannot emotionally handle the stress and disappointments any longer. Are we cursed with a life of misery and have to deal with these cruel, unkind adults? I also want to change my trust so she doesn't get everything. She will just party it up in a year. I would rather leave it to charity. I am really, really at the end of my rope. I cant take it anymore.
Thank you,
Pomsie

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[zachira]

My heart goes out to you hearing how heartbroken and exhausted you are over how you are treated by your daughter with BPD, and how there seems to be no hope for her. I have a brother with BPD and sister with NPD. Having a child with BPD is harder than having a sibling with BPD, because as a loving parent you naturally want the best for your child, including being able to lead a healthy responsible life after you are gone. There are no right or wrong decisions on whether to go low contact or no contact with a relative with BPD. We will support and understand you no matter what you decide, as each person is different, and nobody can decide for you when enough is enough and you can't do it anymore or you decide to keep helping your daughter because that is what you want to do. I know many parents with children who are unable to care for themselves often set up a trust fund for their disabled child to be administered by someone who give them just the amount of money needed for living expenses. You may or may not want to do this, and there is no right or wrong decision on what you decide to do, just what you feel is right for you will be the best decision. Some people with disordered family members go no contact or low contact for periods of time and some go permanent no contact. I find that I increase my anxiety considerably about what to do about my disordered family members if I feel I have to make an all or nothing decision right now. Be patient, and do what is right for you now, knowing that you can go another direction if you choose to do so in the future.

[Elizabeth22]

Hi Pomsie 

I've done it. The person in my life is uBPD DIL. There's been loads of drama, chronicled in my posts here. I finally said enough, I don't need or want this in my life. This also means no relationship with my younger grandson. I still do talk to my son, he used to always take her side, but he seems to finally get it.

She did some things and I just didn't respond, said I wasn't going to and left it alone. She has tried to communicate with my since, both directly and thru my son and I just say I am not interested. I never give her the fight she is looking for.

I will have to leave my son out of my will too, she wil spend everything.

I finally just started thinking about taking care of me and what I want. It's ok to do that. It's been a huge relief.

Wishing you the best,

Elizabeth22

[Swimmy55]

Hi Pomsie,
 Click on my name and you will get my previous posts, but yes I was forced to stop communication with my adult son for a year due to his violence towards me/ restraining order.

He got back in touch briefly when the RO was expired only to ask me for $( he's heavily into drugs unfortunately). I said no.( It kind of killed me to say no. but I knew the only chance I have at saving him is for me not to enable him into getting more drugs.)  .  The only thing I said to him was " I love you, but you need help"  He texted a mighty rant back in May and I haven't heard from him since, I think he even blocked me.  I am leaving him alone, even though I do fret over him.

[Blueskyday]

My daughter realised I could die a yr ago and discarded me.
She came off of her meds. She discarded me before I went to the breast clinic after 3 yrs of watch and wait. All the signs pointed to me having cancer. Thankfully I had a massive cyst and the cancer they thought they found 3 yrs before didnt materialise.


She screams at her 9yr old that she cant cope with het. She threw a charm at the dog. She is very cruel.
I am worried about the child. I tried one last time as the child is becoming difficult with me. She said it's because of home and she doesnt know shes aurguing.

My daughter said she cant be respinsible for me which is odd because I have only ever asked for us to have a mutually supportive relationship.

Done and done

[GoblinMom]

No, I will never give up on my daughter.  It's not her fault that she has a mental illness.