2 year relationship, which in the beginning she told me she had depressed moments in her life during hard times and people would abandon her, ghost her, and how she would feel so hurt that she would shut down and push people away that cared the most for.

Despite all of that I loved her. I treated her like a queen, her best/most stable relationship, her friends and family loved me. Her friends loved the way I treated her and always making comments how they wish their bf would treat them the same.

The relationship moved fast for 2 years, full of passion, she was a bit clingy, but I didn't mind. She had some depressed episodes, but usually they would last a couple days, but I would be able to help her feel better.

Very loving girlfriend, cooks, cleans for me, tells me she loves me, and can't wait to get married and move-in together. We were like a perfect match.

June: Relationship got stronger, started to spend more time with each others family, spent more time with one another, and overall great future outlook.

July: She started being stressed out (work, school, & family issues), started becoming more distant, but I thought it was just one of her depressed/anxious episodes and that things would be better.

Beg-August: Announced out of nowhere we need to take a break, pause our relationship, too many stressors right now. We can remain friends and still go on dates. I gave her space and went no contact, she got mad and said I didn't want to be her friend and made her feel lonely. Still distant and slow to respond to text.

Mid-August: Went on first hang out since the break. At the end of the night she said it's best we completely break up, but remain friends and hang out. Said she doesn't want to be a burden to me, to bring me down into her issues, I would be happier with someone-else, and that she still feels depressed. Even after breaking up, held my hands, hugged me multiple times, and was still calling me babes. Still distant and slow to respond to text.

September: Even though she asked that we remain friends and have no tension between us, she hardly responds to my text, hot and cold behavior, unfollowed me on social media, asked for her stuff back, and pretty much ghosted me/pushed me away.

I don't know if she only has BPD or depression or combo of both. I'm still in a state of shocked

I went from the love of her life, to being discarded and treated like an enemy.

I accepted the friendship because I know she was truly going through a hard time and when I was having work stress and lost a family member she was there for me. I'm just so shocked how I can become her enemy without doing anything.

Is this her depression/anxiety/BPD causing her to self-sabotage our relationship?

Do you think she will try to comeback? We share mutual friends and will run into each other often.

Should I do no contact? Although she pushed me away, since she's going through a depression state I know that it will confirm in her mind that I truly never cared for her .

Idc for the relationship at this point, but would at least like to support her to heal.

It sounds as if you’d still like some level of connection to her, or would be interested should she reappear. For that reason, I’m going to move your post to the Bettering Board. There you can learn strategies to navigate a relationship with a partner who has BPD, should that happen in the future.

Thanks for your response.
What went wrong?

1. 3 weeks prior to the breakup we spent a lot of time together, most of anytime throughout our relationship and I got very close to her family. One day we went out for lunch, I didn't realize I did it, but I was more quiet than usual, I think it had to due with me being exhausted from the vacation we just came back from. The next day she asked to have a talk about it and said it made her worry and asked if something is wrong. She's mentioned in the past that she was afraid of me losing interest and her being insecure about our relationship. I think this triggered something in her.

2.That same week all her stressors went through the roof. Someone at her job quit, so her workload went up, her family member got hospitalized, and her school load increased. She told me she started feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, and depressed. She slowly started distancing herself more and more.

TBH in my opinion the stressors played a bigger part of the breakup, but #1 helped pushed her over the edge, since she can sometimes overreact and blow small things out of proportion.

As far as space, what is confusing is the hot and cold behavior. I gave her space and didn't contact her for a day after the breakup, I got an angry text saying that I don't care about her and that I don't want to be her friend and support her. Because of her depression/bpd I didn't want to appear like I abandon her, she also told me she was scared I would never speak to her again. I've been low contact, sometimes she's quick to respond, other times takes hours/a day, other times no response at all.

Right now i'm stuck in the push pull cycle. If I step back too much it looks like I don't care, but if I come too close, she feels smothered. The real life I hate you, don't leave me.

I didn't want to add too many personal details, but we have ties, very mutual friends, and family members that are close, so we will always be apart of each others lives somehow. That's also why I don't want to abandon her in her time of need, plus she was there for me when I needed her.

She's also a bit ashamed/guilt over the breakup and told me she doesn't want people to know. At least for now.

I think it's for the fact that I was a great bf, friends and family loved me, she would always tell them how great I treat her and outside of the depression, which she hides from people, there's not a real reason to break up with me.

Also it her idea to remain friends and asked that I take her out sometimes, since she's in a depressed/unhappy state and wants my support.