I need help

[Parents! Get help here!]

my adult child (40 yrs old) has borderline personality disorder. She has had issues most of her life since her teenage years and has escalated. Right now she has threatened me and my family and is using her children as hostage. I have tried everything and I don't know what to do.

[shorebird]

my adult child (40 yrs old) has borderline personality disorder. She has had issues most of her life since her teenage years and has escalated. Right now she has threatened me and my family and is using her children as hostage. I have tried everything and I don't know what to do.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Swimmy55]

Welcome!
So we can get the fuller scope of the picture:1. Do you feel unsafe?

[shorebird]

I don't feel safe right now. Here is a little history about me. I am 65 years old, happily married for 28 years to my second husband (not the father of my BP daughter). I have 4 siblings all younger than me. We lost our mother in 2017 and our father just 6 months ago. So for the past 5 years or so, me and my siblings have shared caretaking of our parents and for the past 6 months, we have been cleaning out our parents home (60 years worth of stuff) to get the house ready to be sold. That being said, it doesn't mean that I have not gone about my normal life and have visited and spent time with my BP daughter and her children. I also have a son who is married with 2 children who lives 8 hours away from me. My BP daughter does not like that I have had to spend time with my siblings or spent time with her brother and his children because she feels as though I should be with her more (all the time) or help her with her children more. She is in a very bad cycle right now and I'm not sure what brought it on. I want to talk to her and I really would like to convince her to get the professional help she needs. She has sent me numerous texts, emails and FB messages calling me the most awful, hateful, mean names and of course she feels that I am to blame for everything bad that has happened to her. She has told me that I should divorce my husband and live with her, that I can't have relationships with my siblings (or any friends), and she constantly says mean, snarky things about her brother and his children. She has blocked me on all social media, email and blocked my phone and now she has started to contact my siblings and attack them. I am scared of her and I fear for her children and my family.

[Swimmy55]

I am so sorry you and your family are going through this.  One positive is that she is not physically living in the same house as you .  Does she live close by? There are others here who could probably speak on the grandkid situation better than I could .  Is there anyone in the family your daughter gets along with?

I am not sure how close you are to your daughter's kids or what their ages are.. here is a link with another grandparent in a similar situation where she is afraid for her grandkid's safety.  I am not sure if this is similar to your situation and maybe you are not at the point of having to contact child services, just something for you to read through and consider / keep in your back pocket. 
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=341378.0 

It is definitely terrifying when a BPD adult child dysregulates to the point that you are afraid. Please keep writing back  and keep us posted.

[shorebird]

I have decided to take a breather from this situation after I have been assured that my grandchildren are safe. I have tried over the past 30+ years to stay on track with my daughter but it seems the older she gets, the more episodes she has and they get worse. She has been in therapy off and on but as many of you with BP loved ones know, they can out-psyche a psyche - no disrespect intended. I have tried to find a doctor who specializes in BP and have not been able to. If anyone out there can point me in that direction, I would appreciate it. I am a little sleep deprived for the past week and am going to try and get some sleep. Thanks.