new to the term, the symptoms are old news

[derronbell]

Learning about BPD suddenly brought six years of confusion and mild emotional abuse into focus. We broke up, and the kids were taken (mostly) away because Texas believes mothers are automatically the best for their kids, with all facts and evidence put to the side or given lip service.

I am having to learn about extreme loneliess, constant anxiety, and depression. These are all new to me. I am finding my old friends that were lost because they couldn't be around her. I get to hear from my family and close friends how odd and off-putting she was, and how they always knew something was off. It's as if I wasn't aware of these things, and the punches keep coming even from the people who care about me.

Mostly though, my sweetest two year old boy gets to see his father only a few days a month, and I am ever fearful of the emotional turmoil facing him and his half sister in the future. With me in the house in the past, or with a more shared custody plan now, I can mitigate some of that damage coming his way. I am looking for others who may have had to watch as their children GO WITH the BPD parent, with the greatest sense of injustice from the court system.

Thank you for reading!

[SamwizeGamgee]

Welcome.  I am very sorry to hear about you being separated from your son.

As a dad with five kids, I can say in full truth that the fear of losing contact with the kids as a result of a mom-biased family court system had me scared into staying married as long as I could bear (about 22 years).   I can't say that I, or the kids, am better because of this.  So, leaving and divorcing is worth considering. I'm still in the middle of divorce process, so I don't know where this will land.

I thought that Texas had laws on the books for a presumption of 50/50. 

I'd say, let's work on that first.  Have you seen your own divorce and custody lawyer?  (better yet, talk to two or three).  Aside from researching the law, lawyers can get you some straight scoop and advice.

As a last note, I will say that kids respond to how much you love them, not how many days (necessarily) you are with them.  Especially as they grow, you can find ways to be "present" in the kid's life while you are forced to be absent. (not in a creepy manipulative way, but, a loved way).

[worriedStepmom]

I thought that Texas had laws on the books for a presumption of 50/50. 

Texas defaults to 60/40 for kids over 3.  For under 3, I think it's a lot less.

Derron, do you have temporary orders or final orders?  Since your son is a toddler, does the agreement specify that it will change when he's over the age of 3 and go to the standard order (1st, 3rd, 5th weekends and 1 night a week)?  Are you able to get an extended standard (overnight during the week instead of just a few hours on the weeknight)?

I know it can be demoralizing and painful to have less time than you want.  It is very important that you document what goes on - how your ex takes care of your son, and how she interacts with you.  If you can show a pattern of poor choices or behavior, your odds of getting more custody will increase.  (My H now has primary custody of SD13 and my friend's H is on the verge of getting primary custody of his kids...both sets of kids have uBPD moms.)  Your L should be able to tell you what the judges in your county are looking for when a parent tries to modify custody.