BPD invalidates the relationship

[Scared2Lose]

I'll make this short. I married a BPD trust fund baby who now says she wants a divorce because the entire five-year relationship was a sham. Considering that she herself admits that she entered into and then committed to the marriage under false or ill pretense, is there any precedent for compensation under those grounds? Basically, I completely changed my life in order to be with and marry her, gave up a house, moved cross-country, lost jobs (because of the stress and her need for constant caretaking). Do I have any case to ask for more money or to be made whole on account of that?

[MeandThee29]

I'll make this short. I married a BPD trust fund baby who now says she wants a divorce because the entire five-year relationship was a sham. Considering that she herself admits that she entered into and then committed to the marriage under false or ill pretense, is there any precedent for compensation under those grounds? Basically, I completely changed my life in order to be with and marry her, gave up a house, moved cross-country, lost jobs (because of the stress and her need for constant caretaking). Do I have any case to ask for more money or to be made whole on account of that?

Legal annulments are exceptionally rare. In my state they call them "voidable marriages." Generally people in my state don't seek that because it gives the court no power to divide the assets. If she is pushing that, it is because then she may not have to give you anything.

Frankly you need to talk to a divorce attorney. Given her finances, you need a really good one. My ex chose one who hangs out with the rich and the famous and who charges accordingly. Even though I really didn't have the money, I hired one who charged less but was equivalent if not better. I was thankful that I didn't scrimp.

[Scared2Lose]

I think I was more asking if I can ask for more considering all I've given up. Her rationale for the divorce is that we got together when she was unwell. Now that she's had six weeks of intense inpatient treatment, and some months of intensive outpatient treatment, she feels she's a different person than the "crazy" one she was when we got together. She's also completely changed her look and her friend group and mainly hangs out with people she was in treatment with. She's actually talking about leaving our house while we work this all out and moving upstate to be closer to them. Nothing I say can get across to her just how crazy that is. That said, she's said she wants to make me whole in the divorce (I assume mostly so she doesn't have to feel guilty about not doing so, she's never once asked me, what do you need), it's just that her money is in a trust controlled by her parents, and they're emotionally and mentally ill as well (one's NPD and the others BPD, we're pretty sure). I'm looking for arguments to make to them or their future attorneys that may get across the idea that her illness made me make decisions that had a huge impact on my life, and now its making a decision that's going to have another huge impact. And if whether those arguments play out at all. I feel that's gotta count for something. I don't have the funds to pay for a super expensive lawyer to work it all out for me.

[GaGrl]

You can interview lawyers ( three might be a good start) for an hour consult to decide if one of them is a good fit. You can learn a lot from a short interview. Explain the situation, what you have up, and her statement that she wants to "make you whole." You could also request that she pay for your legal fees.

[ForeverDad]

You can also ask the lawyers you interview (consultations are usually inexpensive or even free) whom they would recommend would be best to represent you.  You can pose it this way, "If YOU were facing this situation, who would you hire as your lawyer?"  Good lawyers know they won't get everyone walking in the door as a client.

[Goosey]

Someone posted that “inheritance” is the one thing not considered joint property if not  commingled in joint accounts.
My future ex is trust fund baby also and those funds are exempt from joint assets. She may be ill but not stupid.
 May be state by State I don’t know.

[formflier]

Things vary so much state by state, you really need the opinion of local attorneys.


Yes...you can ask for more, you can ask for anything you want.

What you really want to ask is if there is precedent for you to get what you are asking for if it goes to trial.

If your stbex will agree to it in the settlement, you can get about anything you want..if it's agreed to.

Is there something else your stbex really wants (such as speed or?), you might be able to offer what they really want for what you really want.

Best,

FF

[ForeverDad]

There are no children from this relationship?  That makes things so much simpler.  And when the divorce is final then you both can make a clean break and go your own ways.

It likely would be an uphill struggle to obtain "compensation" for your years of efforts and imputed losses if it goes to court.  How much did you share and lose with your ex?  For example, when you sold your house, where did the funds get spent?

Do seek the advice and strategies of more than one local family law attorney.

You may have to chalk it up to the price of experience.