Is there a Solution?

[Saidbh]

I feel trapped and stuck in a difficult relationship. Our adult daughter lives with us. I think she has bpd but she has not been diagnosed. She tried a few counsellors who were not able to diagnose it or help. She dislikes all of them after a while. Does anyone know where I can find good online therapy that does not cost a fortune.

I know my daughter is in pain but she is very difficult to live with. She blames me for everything and can get very aggressive, shouting and screaming. I am afraid to drive in the car with her as I dont know when she will start raging. She has called me horrible names and never apologies.

She is hyper sensitive and can get aggressive really quickly. At other times she is depressed and says she is all alone and has no support. I am getting to the stage of not wanting to spend time with her. I feel stressed being with her and feel bad about myself because she keeps saying what a terrible mother I am.

I cant see any end to this.
Saidbh

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Naughty Nibbler]

Hi Saidbh:  Sorry about your situation.

Does anyone know where I can find good online therapy that does not cost a fortune.

The website below has info. about the best online therapy programs
https://www.verywellmind.com/best-online-therapy-4691206

I suggest you check out Betterhelp and Talkspace.  Check out the specific websites.  If you have a problem finding the pricing, you might want to do a separate internet search for the program name & then add "pricing", so you can get to bottom line of their pricing structure more quickly.

Psychology Today has a search engine to find therapists.  You can do a search for teletherapy:
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/online-counseling

Hope this helps.

[Saidbh]

Thanks for taking the time and sending on that information. I had heard that dbt is the best therapy for this and I wonder does anyone again know of good online therapy on this.

I think one of the things that makes this disorder very difficult to handle is this. I want to help her and have tried to be kind and supportive. However she blames me says I was invalidating and flies into unbelievable rages. I am starting to feel anxiety when I am around her because it could be anything I say that might trigger a rage. She is dependant on me and yet appears to hate me. We are caught in a horrible trap!

[Naughty Nibbler]

Hi again Saidbh:

She blames me says I was invalidating and flies into unbelievable rages.    

There can be confusion regarding validation/don't invalidate.  In this context, validation should relate to acknowledging feelings, but NOT agreeing with false information:
        i.e.  "I see you are upset".  "I'm sorry you are upset".  
                NOT:  "It's my fault, I'm sorry." (if it isn't true)

Some people believe that you have to agree with their position on something, their false reality, or their lies.   Someone with BPD may expect and think that agreeing with their false reality (as opposed to feelings) is validation.   Never validate something that is false.

The lesson at the link below on "Don't JADE" can be a good strategy to use when angry rages occur.
 DON'T JADE (Justify, Argue, Defend or Explain) and avoid circular arguments